The Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau

Ronny Donald's

2012-02-01T12:26:00.000-05:00

On Saturdays, around this joint, we like to treat ourselves to what we call "Saturday Day Special." SDS means we all ~~bicker~~ decide what fast food place we want to clog our arteries with for that week.

We have two children, so the most prized fast food is that of the McD's. I'm ok with most of their food, although the things I like most are the priciest. So, I usually just end up with a cheeseburger kids meal and I give the toy to Sissy.

This past weekend, The Evil Twin went to the devil's lair and came home with our lunch. Sissy had a chicken nugget kids meal and I had the usual cheeseburger meal.

When Sissy opened her box, she said, "These fries are tiny." Oh, brother. I had heard about this in the news before, but didn't know when it would happen.

They decided, in the face of burgeoning childhood obesity rates, to cut down the size of the fries serving and also add in a thing of apples (with no caramel sauce!!!). That's nice, but maybe I want more than 12 fries in an itty bitty Barbie sized box.

While I understand the concern, and some parents would feed their children fast food 24/7, I'd like the choice of fries or apples again. We ordered the apple dippers probably 50/50 against the fries.

Like my own childhood self, both children are bean poles. Well, Sissy is a little more on the stocky side, but she takes after the Evil Twin's side of the family. Can't do much about genetics.... :-) (and, Yes, I am saying the Evil Twin comes from a sturdy lot).

So, if your children dig the fries, you might want to get an extra order of them. Whatever, I love those crunchy apples, too, so it's a win-win for me.

Love,

The Piss Poor Tooth Fairy

2012-01-31T09:07:00.000-05:00

Right before her bedtime last night, Sissy agreed to let me numb her gums and let Daddy try to pull this raggedy old tooth that had been hanging by a thread for several weeks now.

This is the first tooth she has lost and she was very excited about a visit from the Tooth Fairy.

I wrapped it up in tissue paper, then put it in a little baggie so it wouldn't get lost under her pillow.

The Evil Twin has been working from home in the evenings lately and stays up pretty late. I left him in charge of the Tooth Fairying and went on to bed.

When I woke up this morning, I wondered if he had completed his mission. He FORGOT! Oh, it's only her first lost tooth and all...

She was still in bed, so he went in and of course she woke up as he was rifling around under her pillow. He said, "I just came in to check if the Tooth Fairy came to get your tooth." While he was saying that, he slipped the tooth into his robe pocket with one hand and slid the dollar under with the other hand.

She said, "There's money under here!" A whole dollar - let me tell you something - getting visits from the Tooth Fairy is not a "get rich quick" scheme around here.

She had to come and show me immediately. She was beaming.

So, even though the Evil Twin completely botched his job, he had a Hail Mary save with a little "slight of hand".

All's well that ends well, I suppose!

Her other tooth beside the first lost one is also getting pretty wiggly, so maybe the Evil Twin will remember that buck from now on! :-)

Love,

Some Days Are Tough...

2012-01-27T13:44:00.000-05:00

But, I enjoy being a mom. When Buddy and Sissy are in school, it's both relaxing and challenging.

This is Buddy's last year of Middle School. He'll be moving on to the High School next Fall. Sissy will still be at the grade school, but in first grade. Kindergarten is typically not that demanding, but she still has homework.

I think next year will be a lot more demanding for both of them. I'm g. Ilad to say that neither of them are slackers and I had their IQs tested recently. Let's just say that I will NOT take the test myself because I'm sure my score would be much lower than either of theirs.

Anyhoot, when they're in school, I'm free to flit about the house - laundry, dishes, whatever I slacked on over the weekend AND I can shamelessly make up lyrics to existing songs to entertain both myself and the cat. I'm sure I enjoy it more than Bella, but it makes my day more interesting.

If it's just me here, the TV is never on. The only sounds I hear are the fridge making ice and Apple and Lovey (the parakeets) singing or arguing with each other. It's a very Zen existence.

Don't get me wrong - there is always something to do around here. But, it makes my heart all happy knowing that I can get around to it "eventually."

Speaking of "doing", I have several things to do before I pick Sissy up from school. I hope my hooligans have a great day and an even better weekend!

Love,

Long Week

2012-01-26T09:47:00.000-05:00

Well, the Evil Twin is back at work today. He took his pain meds with him in case he has another "episode". He will see our primary care physician next week to get an ultrasound of the kidney in question.

Lucky me, I get to see our primary care physician today for a follow up appointment.

I thought things were bad when Buddy was just a wee baby. He came home from the NICU weighing 3lbs, 12oz. He was almost 7 weeks old at that time. He had at least 2, if not 3, doctor/therapy appointments a week.

It was at this time I started with my anxiety issues. We lived in a different county - a little farther out than this county and all the appointments were in THIS county, so I'd have to get on the interstate and drive a while. (I-64 is also known as "If you make it to your destination alive, you're a lucky SOB".)

I would get so worked up about having my tiny baby in the car on the interstate I consider a death trap, I just lost it one day. Anti-anxiety meds to the rescue - and to this very day - almost 14 years later.

So, today, I get to see the doc, find out how high my blood pressure is (from driving on wet roads) and lord knows what else. I'm so tired, I think I could sleep for a day or two.

If I'm getting a shower today before my appointment, I have to sign off here. I hope all my hooligans have a good Thursday (It's not FRIDAY, yet???).

Love,

A Weekend Wild Ride

2012-01-24T12:42:00.000-05:00

Buddy's birthday was Saturday. He had chosen Quaker Steak n Lube as his birthday meal destination.

He decided on the Steak and loaded fries, as opposed to the 6lb. Burger challenge. My rail thin child cleaned his plate (as usual).

As soon as we walked in, I let everyone know it was his birthday. The Evil Twin questioned my sanity...I even showed my newest tattoo (with the kids' birthdays and initials - I mean, who would fake a permanent mark like that?) I told the Evil Twin, "If it's your birthday, at many restaurants, you get something special FOR FREE." It was worth the effort for me.

Buddy was presented with a warm hot fudge covered brownie with ice cream at the end of the meal. He said it was amazing, but couldn't finish it (??? WTF That kid has a hollow leg), so he shared it with Sissy.

Everyone enjoyed the food. ETW even had a ginormous and tasty margarita! Yum!

On Sunday, we woke up and the Evil Twin was in a foul mood (not surprising, that's his normal MO for any day). He decided around noonish it was shower time. I heard the water come on, then I heard the water go off and also heard an anguished scream from the bathroom.

I thought maybe he slipped, so I went back to check on him and saw him limping across the hall to our bedroom. He was holding his back on the right side and could not stand upright. I was able to coerce him to flop up onto the bed where I could dress him and then called 911.

They took him to the ER where the docs suspected a kidney stone, but couldn't find anything other than a mass on the right kidney. They weren't sure if it was solid or fluid filled, but did say it wasn't "suspicious" looking.

I spent hours on the phone with the ER, and his family. I know that most hospitals don't allow anyone under 14 further than the lobby, so I just waited to hear from him.

They had given him some pain relief med in his IV and sent him out the door several hours later with 4 prescriptions. He feels somewhat better - still a bit sore, but the ER doctor told him to stay home for at least 3 days. He'll need to see our regular doc for an ultrasound of the kidney and then it will be determined if it needs to be drained, biopsied or surgically removed.

I already have plans for every day this week, so it should be interesting, to say the least.

I have a metric boatload of work for just today, so I'm going to blow this popsicle stand.

Hope all my hooligans have a great Tuesday!

Love,

I Kinda Knew

2012-01-21T10:46:00.000-05:00

14 years ago, I woke up this morning - at 28 weeks pregnant - and felt that something just wasn't quite right. I tried to shrug it off.

The Evil Twin and I got ready for work and stopped by my parents' house for breakfast. My mom noticed I was unusually reserved. I'm shy by nature, but if I've known you long enough and feel comfortable, I can be quite genial.

There are other times I am quiet because that's my mood. And, there are times I am quiet because I am preoccupied by something weighing on my mind.

January 21, 1998 I was quiet because I felt "off."

We had so many problems getting pregnant, losing several along the way and then once we knew we had a keeper, I had too much amniotic fluid. I was monitored closely.

At 18 weeks, the results from my AFP (alpha fetal protein) test came back high for neural tube defects (spina bifida, anencephaly, etc.) Some of these birth defects are not compatible with life, so we were terrified. How could I get to 18 weeks - clearly showing a massive baby bump - and the baby might not live after delivery? Why was this happening?

The next morning, we went to a Level 2 ultrasound. The baby had all necessary parts and nothing was amiss. We also found out we'd be having a boy!

We had no clue he'd be born 10 weeks later, at only 28 weeks. He was 2lbs, 5oz. He was not delivered (by emergency c-section) with a cry or even a good color. He received an APGAR score of ONE. A zero is for the stillborn babies.

The Evil Twin witnessed the whole ordeal, since it was such an emergency, there was no time to place a drape in front of me.

I can't even remember how many people were in the room, but he was pulled out - someone shouted "It's a boy!" I said weakly, "I know."

I didn't see him or anything for hours after that. (We couldn't hold him for nine long days while he was on the vent). He was rushed to NICU, put on a ventilator and attached to more tubes and wires I've ever seen on a person that size. Heck, I had never even seen a person that size.

Ironically, he was born on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Many states allow abortions even at 28 weeks (or later). And, there my son was, fighting for life. So very much wanted.

He was about 4 days old in this picture and that is me, changing his itty bitty diaper.

For being born so early and so sick, the only trauma he really experienced from his early arrival was developing ROP (retinopathy of prematurity), which is a very common eye condition with the preemies. He has worn glasses since he was 18 mos. old. He had laser eye surgery in early April - before his due date, even - at 4lbs, 4oz.

It was a tough year for all of us, but I thank God every day he is healthy, has a great sense of humor and really makes my life interesting!

Have a great Saturday, hooligans!

Love,

PS. I keep this poem close to me at all times. I post it every year, so I figure it's a tradition at this point:

Jefferey's Poem
By Garrison Keillor

When I first saw you, kid, you were tiny and thin,
And slimy and red and your head was mushed in,
I says to your mother, "He looks kind of sloppy,
And two pounds four ounces ain't big for a crappie."

But something about you, the look in your eyes,
Said you fully intended to grow to full size,
They slapped your backside and you let out a cry,
And I said, "We will keep him, at least we shall try."

Some babies are born in nine months, by the clock,
Some babies are born, and they sit up and talk,
Some babies are born, and no doctor is there.
Some babies are born, on a wing and a prayer.

Poor little fetus, as big as your hand,
Poor little fish thrown up on dry land,
Who came in April, though he had till July,
Too small to live and too precious to die.

They shipped you downstairs to the big Neonatal
Intensive Care Unit's computerized cradle
And attached you to wires and stuck you with tubes
Monitored closely by digital cubes.

And thanks to the latest neonatal therapeusis
And regular basting with greases from gooses
And hot chicken soup intravenously fed
You did not fade away, you grew up instead.

We'll always remember those months that you spent
With tubes in your head in the oxygen tent
And the mask on your face with the wires attached,
Sweet little boy who was only half-hatched.

I'm sure you'll grow up to mature and extend,
To six feet six inches and become a tight end,
But I'll always remember each doctor and nurse in
The NICU who helped make you a person,
The kid who crash landed, who was carried away,
Who survived it, this bundle we bring home today.

A Weird Winter

2012-01-20T15:34:00.000-05:00

Typically, I get sick once or twice a year. Sinus/respiratory type thing. After suffering for a week or so, I end up at my doctor's office and walking out with a script for a Z-pack.

But, this winter has been different. Either there is something really wrong with me or I keep getting the same/similar cootie bugs. Today, my stomach has been all hinky and I got next to no sleep last night. I was so tired this morning, I was actually afraid to drive Sissy to school, thinking I may start sawing logs at the wheel, so I convinced her that her cough sounded bad and we should both have a day of rest.

Plus, Whooping Cough is going around here...she has had her immunizations, but no need taking chances, huh?

I'm thinking it might be that I have one in Kindergarten this year. We all know how those small fry are just little germ wagons.

Neither of mine ever had an ear infection until they were 4 and in preschool. They have had one each. (knock on wood I'm not jinxing myself here).

Granted, they didn't go to daycare, but I didn't keep them home constantly either. They both had their fair share of dirty toys in their filthy mitts and if I didn't watch close enough, said filthy toy would go straight into their mouth.

Buddy even tried to eat a ladybug once. And, he ate a kibble of cat food, too.

Around here, the old saying is, "You're not a well rounded child until you've eaten a peck of dirt."

Even Sissy is familiar with the "5-second rule", but ONLY AT HOME. If a grape falls off the lunch tray at school....Oh well, that grape is destined for the trash can or perhaps squashed under someone's shoe. Go ask for an extra grape if you're that hungry!

On top of feeling like crud off and on for the last month or so, my lips are so chapped they feel like onion paper and I think I'm getting a bladder infection (I'm a professional when it comes to the UTI, so I know it from a mile away).

Tomorrow is Buddy's birthday - and as usual, I will haul out my yearly story of his early arrival. He will be 14...I'm not old enough to be his mom, in my opinion. He wants to go to Quaker Steak & Lube and is considering trying the 6lb burger challenge. That thing is more than 3.5 times his own birth weight, but my son can put the food away these days.

We like to tease him about it being our own personal episodes of "Buddy Vs. Food". If Adam Richman ever needs a partner in crime, I've got one for him.

Happy Friday, hooligans! I'll see y'all in the morning! (or whenever the hell I feel like it...that's just how I roll.)

Love,

I Need A Miracle

2012-01-19T11:31:00.000-05:00

To get all the crap done around here that I would like to do. Perhaps I can catch up a bit this weekend.

It's looking like "Wordless Thursday" around these here parts.

Oh, I have some interesting chores and errands for later....those usually pan out to be awesome blog fodder. Because, really? Humanity? It's scary and full of the whole "What Not To Wear" vibe.

Thank goodness I travel with my whole video team (ME).

Some things are not worth my time, but if I had seen this, you KNOW I would have to document it.

Hope you hooligans have a great Thursday!

Love ya,

Have You Seen My Energy?

2012-01-18T13:45:00.000-05:00

If so, I really need it back. I don't know if it's the gloomy weather or one (or more) of my meds messing with me, but I don't care for it. I gave up caffeine a long while back, so I know it's not that.

It's almost like I should be a bear and hibernate for a few months. Maybe I'm just getting old? Maybe I need more B12 in my diet? Ugh!

It feels like I'm at a stalemate with myself.

I think, perhaps, it's just January. Every January brings anxiety. But, once I get past Buddy's birthday and start working on the taxes, I usually perk right on up....I like new money in the bank (that the government stole from my hard working husband and has been earning interest on it all year.)

I HAVE been enjoying my Kindle Fire and have found sources for free or really cheap deals on downloads. Unfortunately, I'm so behind on other things, I haven't had a chance to read what I've downloaded.

Besides, Sissy likes to appropriate it for herself and play games, watch YouTube, or read the books I've downloaded for her. Then, she hands it back when the battery is on its' last leg and picks up her DS or DSi for more entertainment. Whatever happened to just being a couch tater? I AM getting old!

Have a great Wednesday, hooligans. I know it's supposed to be a "black out" day for blogs, and while I do care about censorship very much (more than the average person, really), I don't much care to follow the crowd. Plus, I haven't written anything for days (i.e. NO ENERGY).

Love ya,

The Round Up

2012-01-13T16:28:00.000-05:00

The kids are off school today for some sort of teacher educational day. It's a good thing, too - we got a brief dusting of snow overnight, so the County would have cancelled school anyway.

Since I knew there was no school, Buddy had a friend stay overnight. It's almost 4 P and I've just now seen them emerge from his room to get snacks and drinks. Those two always stay up super late. No surprise, really. We are night owls, his mom is a night owl, my biological mom and sister are night owls...We come by it honestly.

It's freezing and I haven't even had a shower yet. I think I'll send Buddy downstairs to fetch the mail (he has to earn his keep somehow). I would send Sissy, but the way the Evil Twin mounted the box under the carport, even I - at nearly 5 foot 9 - have to stand on my toes to see what is in the box. (For more info, re-read the always entertaining My Bad Side)

It's supposed to snow a bit more over the weekend, so I guess we'll be house bound. The Evil Twin did not order firewood this year...I hope it's not too late, because the possibility of losing electricity is always on the horizon in weather like this. One might think the electric company would make allowances for snowfall under an inch and no ice, but, they don't.

Anyone interested in buying this house (5BR, 2.5 BA, 2700 sq ft.) so we can move South, feel free to email me. $250K and it's yours! :-)

Enjoy your weekend, hooligans.

Love,

SO Tired

2012-01-12T13:02:00.000-05:00

I don't know what my deal is lately. I go to bed at a reasonable hour (usually around 11 pm or even a little earlier) and I wake at 6:30A. On weekends, I might be able to snag an extra half hour or so - depending on when Sissy decides to wake up.

The thing is: I started taking my crazy pill (Zoloft) in the mornings, along with my baby aspirin and Ativan. I used to take it at night because that and the high blood pressure med made me sleepy. But...I generally forget to take either of them.

I suppose I just need to sit them on the coffee table where I can see them in the evenings.

If I don't sit things where I can see them, I usually forget to take care of "whatever". If it's written on my "to do" list, the chances of it happening are much greater.

It's hard to get motivated to do much if I'm yawning all day. And, trust me, it's not because I'm sitting around watching TV (I don't do daytime TV) or constantly on the computer (although I do check certain things a few times a day).

I don't drink coffee - at least not often, maybe once every 6 months or so - and it really doesn't do anything for me. I don't drink sodas, so my days are devoid of caffeine at all. I have a phobia about liquid calories....that's a whole 'nother story, though.

It may also be the dreary weather here in paradise (<- sarcasm). I suppose I should wrap this up and get some things accomplished. I hope all my hooligans are having a better day than me. :-) Love,

Our "Favorite" Activity

2012-01-11T15:53:00.000-05:00

As some know, I make a weekly trip to the Mart of Wal. I don't enjoy it, but .... one stop shopping and low prices lure me back time and time again.

Plus, we really do like the Great Value (the Mart's generic equivalent to foods and Equate is the generic equivalent to pharmacy/health/beauty items). The food is superior to the brand names and I like the Equate Dandruff Shampoo as well as Head n' Shoulders, and I save a few bucks along the way. (Yes, I have a dry scalp - I'm not perfect, ya know?)

Anypoodle, I keep a "master list" of items needed in a little notebook and add to it as necessary. Sometimes, the Evil Twin needs things for his home office or things like razor blades, etc. and so, he'll jot those down on a different sheet of paper.

I then add that list to the "master list" and we're good to go.

As I transferred his items to my main list, I really didn't pay much attention. There were only four things on his list and they were the last four things added.

When we got to the store, I propped my little notebook up so I can see it and make sure everything is in the cart. When I scanned through it towards the end, I noticed that "Calgon" was on there. Since it was in the same location on the list of the things the Evil Twin needed, I asked, "Why is Calgon on the list?" (I knew I didn't put it there.)

He said, "Because we're almost out."

Me: "Of Calgon?? Do you mean Cascade?"

Him: "Yes, the dishwasher detergent, not 'Calgon, take me away.'"

I know I've done ridiculous things as well. One time, I needed Lysol spray. I had written down "Lysenol". At least Calgon is a real product. LOL.

So, I got my overpriced Cascade - the Cascade Complete - with enzyme action. It really is the best on the market, and all was right at Casa Evil Twin.

Have a great Wednesday, my hooligans!

Love,

A Good Idea or Poor Judgment?

2012-01-09T13:37:00.000-05:00

I may have mentioned this before - or maybe it was on Facebook - I'm old and get confused often, but anyhoot, about a week or so before Christmas the Evil Twin told me that he wanted to get me a Kindle, but he wanted me to choose the one I liked best.

So, I did some research (I LOVE research!)(no, I really honestly do.) and decided on the Kindle Fire.

I had to wait until Christmas morning to open it and amidst the chaos and holiday mayhem, I didn't really get a chance to play around or use it much.

However, since the kids have been back in school and the Evil Twin is back at work, I have been a downloadin' fool.

All the classic books, most of which I've read, are free. But, I downloaded a few of those I really loved anyway. It'll be nice to have them on hand.

It's been such a long time since I've had good opportunities to read a book uninterrupted, so this is just amazing for me. I can also watch movies, download music and I'm not sure what else. I'm wondering if it can clean my kitchen. :-)

Anypoodle, I love to read and having several books at my disposal at all times is wonderful.

At first, I was a little worried it wouldn't be the same as a REAL honest-to-goodness-turn-the-pages BOOK. But, it's actually quite enjoyable and the fact that it's portable makes it even more appealing.

In the past, if I knew I'd be waiting for something (a kid, a tire change, a doctor), I might have thrown a magazine in my purse...IF I even thought about it. Now, I just fling "The Bookie" in my bag and I'm good to go.

But, the Evil Twin may have had a lapse in judgment because I love searching around for new books or movies, and then enjoying them in my "not so free time". Ooops.

So, if you come to my house and you see a dust bunny or two, blame the Kindle. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!! :-)

Happy Monday, hooligans!

Love,

The Yearly PSA from the ETW

2012-01-05T09:21:00.000-05:00

I think I bitch about this situation at least once a year and it's time to do so again.

Cookies. Girl Scout Cookies. They go on sale at some point in January. Now, I realize those Samoas are probably cooked in Satan's own oven (they're really good).

But, at $3.50 a box (that's the last price I've heard) and there are about 15 cookies to a box, it seems a little steep. That's not the end of it. The sweet little scouts bust their fannies to sell these things for cheap prizes and the troop receives -- get this -- .40 cents per box sold.

Okay, so that means the council makes $3.10 off the backs of children trying to win cheap prizes.

If you only do me one solid for the 2012 year, and you see a table set up or have a girl scout come to your door, ask for her troop number. Then, write a check to the troop. Instead of .40 cents, the troop will get the whole $5, $10, whatever you can afford for their activities. You don't need those overpriced cookies and all those calories anyway, right?

If you really MUST have a box of thin mints or samoas, buy them from a girl who is not in a troop. Some areas don't have enough girls interested to form a troop, so they're on their own. Guess how much they get for a box of cookies? A big, fat goose egg. Or, go directly to the council and purchase a box there.

Buying a box from a troop just means you're giving to the corporate greed - an executive director needs a new car, taking clients out for lunch is expensive, "Hey, let's all get new computers!". The waste never ends.

Don't get me wrong. I think the scouting experience has much to offer to all children, but IF I let my children participate, they would not be doing the fundraisers. (I think the boy scouts sell popcorn ? - and I'm not sure about their money division or sales protocol, so I can't speak on that.)

Furthermore, I don't care if they freeze well, you still don't need those calories, my hooligans. Have a lovely Thursday!

Love,

Random Thoughts

2012-01-03T16:15:00.000-05:00

I like to multi-task. When I'm drying my hair, I'm also doing my make up. Except this morning.

We had snow and icy roads today, so school was cancelled. That meant I didn't need to leave the house and decided to forgo the make up ritual.

Well, I can't just be drying my hair, so I looked around and saw a basket of socks that needed matched and folded. Matching was pretty easy. Folding pairs together required a little more manual dexterity, but at least my hair was dry and socks were folded.

The hardest part was putting the socks in the drawer as I was limited to the length of the dryer cord to move around.

That got me to thinking about the hair dryer my mom had when I was a little shitball. You'd probably have to be my age or older to remember these models.

This one is really similar to the one my mom had:

Not really the ideal device to multi-task. But, then I thought... Someone should invent just the cap deal that delivers hot air, so you're free to walk around and do other things. I figure when the hair is to the damp-dry stage, you could move on to the regular dryer and a brush for styling!

I should totally patent this!

I hope my hooligans are having a very happy New Year and an awesome Tuesday.

Love,

Christmas Recap

2011-12-28T10:02:00.000-05:00

Sissy said this was the "best Christmas ever!". I suspect it's the first one where she really understands the whole "Santa/Presents" thing.

The Evil Twin had approached me a week or so earlier and said he wanted to get me a Kindle as a gift, but he wanted me to choose the one I wanted. After researching my options, I picked the Kindle Fire and also a handy protective case.

So far, I've watched a movie on it and downloaded a few books, but I'm still figuring it all out. I think it will be handy for the moments in my life I have a few minutes to burn waiting on [doctors, dentists, children, etc.]

The family has been enjoying the Christmas BREAK by doing only the bare minimum around here. Relaxation is our middle name now.

Unfortunately, we must make the soul killing visit to the Mart today. We are out of so much.... I'm STILL sick, but I think I can buck up and deal with the general public on a limited basis today.

Christmas Day at Casa Evil Twin was berry, berry good, indeed. I hope all my hooligans had happy holidays as well!

Love,

Other Bugs Aren't Welcome, Either

2011-12-22T09:38:00.000-05:00

It may be even worse than the stink bug invasion. On Tuesday morning, no one seemed to be feeling all that great. I even asked Buddy if he wanted to stay home because he looked miserable.

He said, no. He didn't want to have to do all the make up work. The Evil Twin took him on to school. I took Sissy a bit later. At 9 am, I get a call from the elementary school. Sissy has some sort of unknown rash or hives on her midsection, sides and back.

I went to pick her up and then to the store for Benedryl. We got home, got settled, I gave her the medicine and then my phone was ringing again. This time it was 10am. Buddy calling, "Can you come pick me up?" Picked him up and we all settled in for the day.

Sissy's rash did go away, but had returned the next morning. Gave her more benedryl and went to check on Buddy. He was still under the weather and decided to stay home and rest.

I had been up and down all night with vomiting and the "other thing". The Evil Twin also had a bad cold, so it was a family sick day!

This morning, Sissy woke up with no rash, but I gave her a small dose of the med just in case. This is their last day before Christmas break and I didn't want her to miss it - they'll probably do some fun stuff. And, it's only a half day, so that won't be so bad.

I'm hoping that Santa brings lots of goodies to our house and yours and I also hope he scoops up all the germs around here and magically makes them disappear, as only Santa could!

I've got a million things on my mind, but due to the stomach flu (?) and a mild sinus infection, I haven't been able to cobble my thoughts together. Lord willing, I'll be back tomorrow. Christmas is almost here! YAY!

Love,

Dirty Bugs Are NOT Welcome In My Home

2011-12-16T09:32:00.000-05:00

I make an exception for spiders, because I do love them, but I also scoop them up and deposit them back into nature.

This year has been exceptionally bad for a really gross looking bug we call a "stink bug". I don't know if they actually stink or not, because I'm not inclined to get my nose close enough to find out (living or dead).

In our first house, we always had the ladybug invasion every fall. At this house, where we have lived for over 7 years, we haven't had really much more than a few ant situations, and I'll see a ladybug or two. Not like the Amityville Horror house of ladybugs at the old neighborhood.

Anyway, I looked up "stink bugs" for y'all and found this disturbing image:

Isn't that gross? They like to get into the house somehow and then circle around the ceiling fan lights. It drives me and the cat nuts.

This morning, one got in and proceeded to buzz around my person. At one point, I thought it had landed in my hair. If I had a camera from a psych ward watching me, I'd be in a padded cell by now.

The Evil Twin has sprayed heavy duty bug spray on nearly every minute surface of our lawn (a double lot) and the exterior of the house. He has also managed to kill most of the plant growth around the property after he suffered a severe case of poison ivy.

I'm off to do some research on eradicating "stink bugs" now. I swear, if one ever lands on me, check the obituaries because I will have died from a heart attack, stroke or aneurysm.

Do you think a "No Dirty Bugs Allowed" sign would help much? Yeah, me neither.

I hope all you hooligans have a bug free Friday and enjoy the weekend.

Love,

Busy Week

2011-12-15T14:25:00.001-05:00

Sorry to go all MIA on you, my faithful four readers.

We set up our (fake) tree this weekend, but that was about it. The Evil Twin wasn't feeling well and went to bed as soon as he got in from work. So, we didn't do anything to the tree.

Tuesday evening, we checked the lights. One strand worked and one did not. I hauled my carcass to the Mart of K and bought new lights. We work as a team for lights and garland, cause it's easier than one person circling around the tree a million times.

The Evil Twin started the 2nd strand from the wrong end, so we had to unwind and redo. Then, we plugged it in. The top half of strand one (which had worked the day before) wasn't working (!!???).

Went to Rite Aid and bought another set. By the time we had done all the doing and re-doing and me going out to the store late, we decided we'd just have to fix it on Wednesday - now keep in mind, he's still sick and stayed home Tuesday and Wednesday. I had also come down with the creeping crud on Wednesday. I feel worse today, even.

But, it's hard to get motivated when you feel like crap on a cracker, ya know? Just to spice things up a bit, in addition to my mystery stomach problem, I woke up this morning with a sore throat and sinus pain. AWESOME! Now, I feel like two craps on a cracker.

Because I am old, my vision is not as good as it once was. I need prescription glasses for reading. Because I am lazy, I leave them in the case next to my computer. I put the school lunch menu up on the fridge. Well, I'm certainly not going to walk from the kitchen to the den (maybe 10 steps) to get the glasses, so I squint at the menu and read that today is an early dismissal day. That means I have to get Sissy at 1p. I bust my sick ass to get ready in time, then sit outside the school for about 10 minutes. I'm noticing there are no other parents there and the children weren't let out at 1, so I call the school office and find out the early dismissal is NEXT Thursday, the 22nd, not the 15th.

I suppose it's time for me to stock up on cheap readers and leave them all over the house. That's not really ideal, since my prescription is odd and not the same on both sides. In addition to being lazy, y'all know I'm cheap and I'm not paying a fortune for extra prescription glasses.

Luckily, the school is only a mile and a half from our house, so I just came on back, feeling like a douchecanoe, and here I sit waiting for regular pick up time to roll around.

I have so much to do today...the house needs a thorough vacuuming, if I don't get to the grocery soon, we may starve and there's something in the fridge that doesn't smell right (time to clean 'er out).

I'm going to zone out here for a few minutes, then go pick up my girl. I hope y'all are having a more productive week than me. :-)

Love,

The Blasted Economy

2011-12-09T10:14:00.000-05:00

Alrighty, I'm not here to cast any aspersions or point any fingers. I'm just going to relay a true event that happened yesterday.

While my daughter was in testing, my son and I walked across the street to get lunch. Gino's (mostly known for their pizza, but they also offer other lunch foods) is a local thing. Owned by the same guy who owns my beloved Tudor's Biscuit World.

Tudor's is like crack wrapped up in crunchy paper. If you eat there, you will never forget that experience, and in fact, it might make you want to move to West Virginia. That's how good the food is.

Gino's - another fine food establishment known only to WV - also has tasty things on the menu.

We walked across the street. I had my mind squarely set on a pepperoni pizza bread. Buddy looked at the menu and chose an Italian Sub combo (with fries and a drink). Since I don't drink sodas, I had my handy water already in my handbag.

Now, I have eaten at Gino's many, many times in my sad existence in this pee-pee soaked hell hole (nearly 26 years) and have always loved the pizza bread. I figured it would be a nice, not too heavy lunch and all would be right with the world.

When my plate came, I observed an itty bitty "hoagie" roll. The pizza breads USED to be much larger. This little dingle dangle couldn't even fit a regular sized hot dog on it. My 5 year old would be starving after eating this disaster.

Plus, it scalded the roof of my mouth like an SOB. So, thanks, Gino's of South Charleston. #1. I was paying a load of money and #2. You ruined the top of my mouth with your stupid, hot, tiny sandwich (I'm not sure if it deserves the title of "sandwich".) The word "dinner roll" comes to mind much easier than "sandwich".

After the roof of my mouth cooled down and I ate a handful of Buddy's fries, it tasted really great. I could have used 3 of them. And, I am not a person who eats way too much.

Of course, I had to laugh about it later, because OBVIOUSLY. Teeny "sandwiches" are really funny (yet, not filling).

I won't be going back again.

Happy Friday, hooligans!

Love,

OK

2011-12-07T22:41:00.001-05:00

I received a lovely and heartfelt email from a long time reader and also several other inquiries that made my heart feel all warm and happy.

So, I've had a difficult week and my head hasn't really been in the game, but I feel like I need to go on doing what I've been doing - no matter how boring that may be.

I don't have anything major or bad going on in my life, it's just been all the stupid little details that are weighing me down. I need to shake off the holiday stress, I suppose.

Just let me get through this week and weekend and I will try to be better about humiliating myself on a daily basis. Because, that's what I'm all about.

Thank you, secret messengers. You all lifted my spirits and made me see that maybe I needed to keep writing. I do love to write and I see so much funny on a daily basis, it would be a shame to keep all that crazy to myself, right?

Love you guys, and gals. Have a happy Wednesday and I'll catch up soon!

Love,

1,170. The End.

2011-12-06T11:14:00.000-05:00

I'm taking down my shingle. I will not block this site or make it private, but there will most likely be no more posts here.

If you want to remove me from your blogroll, I understand. However, you all still know how to get in touch with me: eviltwinswife@gmail.com.

Thanks for the readership over the years. I'm not going away completely - I will still be visiting and commenting on other blogs. :-)

Love,

Facelift for the Home

2011-12-02T12:52:00.000-05:00

The Evil Twin and I have wanted a ceiling fan in our bedroom since we moved in 7 years ago. We had one in our bedroom in our first house and really liked it.

Buddy had one in his room there as well. He was the first one to have a lighting change in his bedroom here. Couple years later, Sissy came along and I wanted to get her a fan, too.

#1. Everyone knows I'm cheap. #2. The Evil Twin does not like to deal with electricity issues (see #1: that means I have to hire someone to do the work AFTER the lighting is purchased....ca-ching.) #3. It can take me days, months, years or merely minutes to decide on a purchase. I know it when I see it.

Finally, finally, finally, we decided to buy the lighting. Then, it took me about a month or more to muster up the ability to call the electrician. We have used this same electrician a number of times and he is really nice and his rates are reasonable, but I just have to "feel" like I'm ready to deal with stuff before I make the appointment. That's just how I roll.

Today was the big day! The ceiling fans look amazing and the kitchen light was also replaced and looks fantastic!

Plus, all the rooms are so much brighter. The Evil Twin and I do not enjoy the "bat cave" environment. Not that I have anything against bats (I think they're adorable), but lighting - particularly overhead lighting - is something we enjoy.

Yay for new lights!

Now that the electricians have finished and moved on to their next job, it's time for me to move on with my day, too. Hooligans, have a fab Friday and even better weekend!

Love,

Running Out of Steam

2011-12-01T13:41:00.000-05:00

I just can't seem to get my act together these days. Last night, I slept comfortably, but my brain would not shut down - in other words: I was in a good position, but I couldn't quite get the thoughts and weird "dreams" to go away.

Maybe now that I've purged them, they can hit the trails.

I ordered Buddy the Alienware M14x laptop. It's the only thing he has asked for this year. I told him that it would be a combination Christmas and birthday gift (his bday is Jan. 21). He will get other gifts from relatives, but I figured if he *knew* the only gift he'd receive from us was the laptop, he could check it out when it arrived.

I hate ordering electronics and then waiting 4 weeks to make sure everything works correctly. But, I was told the earliest shipping date would be Dec. 16. The laptop arrived yesterday, which caused all kinds of chaos in the family unit.

I've never been a stickler for "It has to be THIS certain day." As long as the recipient knows the score and agrees to the ground rules - and, at nearly 14, I think he does, then why would be have to wait?

My thoughts: Let him enjoy the gift and let me feel better that the product at hand actually functions the way it should before it's too late to be returned/exchanged.

BTW, that laptop is AWESOME!!!! :-)

I hope all my hooligans are having a good week and a great Thursday! I'll be here tomorrow - same (loosely available) bat time, same bat channel.

Love,

I'm Baaaack

2011-11-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of postitudiness. The Evil Twin was off all week for the Thanksgiving holiday and I wanted to spend as much family time as we could and also just chillax. I didn't even have time to read many blogs or post comments.

We watched a few movies, had a few naps on the couches, ate too much on Thursday - and it was ALL good. We had company on Friday evening. The Evil Twin's sister and 3 of his other classmates came for a visit. It was fun.

The thing is, even though I'm 9 years younger than the Evil Twin and didn't even meet him until my early 20s, I've heard so many stories about all the antics of his high school years, I didn't feel left out at all and even chimed in with some things he had mentioned to me about the past.

Monday was "getting back into the groove" day and today, I'm waiting on the electrician. We're having one light and one ceiling fan replaced and 2 lights replaced with new ceiling fans as well.

This is our regular guy and he's only stopping by today to check things out and give us an estimate. I hope he can do the actual work by the end of the week. Buddy's ceiling fan bit the dust a while back. Just the light portion, not the fan portion, so he's had to rely on a lamp for light in his room. I know he can't wait to have a working overhead light again.

I hope all my hooligans are having a good Tuesday - it's been cruddy, rainy and overcast here for at least a week, but otherwise, things have been great. I'll wrap this up and see y'all again soon!! :-)

Love,

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T18:27:00.000-05:00

The Evil Twin took the week off work, so it's sort of like I'm on vacation, too.

We've had a pretty good week. Miss Bella Della Doodle Bug Pie had more than her fair share of turkey and has been asleep on the couch since about 3pm.

As is my tradition, I did NOT have any turkey or ham (ick!), but still managed to eat too much.

I'll see y'all again on Monday when my life goes back to normaltude. :-) This week is family time and relaxing as much as possible.

Ahhhhhhh. It's good to take a break!

I hope all my hooligans are having a great week and a great holiday as well!

Take care,
Love,

Hello, Friday! Glad You Made It!

2011-11-18T10:57:00.000-05:00

I'm sooo glad it's Friday this week. I'll be looking forward to Monday after next week, I'm sure.

The Evil Twin has taken leave time for the week off and the kids only have school on Monday and Tuesday before the Thanksgiving break pops in.

At least, that will lower my laundry duties a tad. And, having the Evil Twin home will help me - I'll have more freedom to get things together for the holiday by myself and he can hang out with the little monsters. :-)

This year will be the same as the last few. I'll pick up some ham and turkey from Heavenly Ham add some veggie sides, rolls, and a pie. That's my whole effort.

The way I see it is: I'm not going to eat much anyway. I hate the Thanksgiving foods, especially the meats. I don't want to cook them, I don't want to smell them. Seriously, do you want me to barf on my plate on a holiday?

I remember one year, my parents and the Evil Twin and I all went to his mother and her husband's house for ....either Thanksgiving or Christmas (I think I was pregnant with Buddy, so it was late 1997). His mom kept offering me some sort of goopy turkey casserole. I said, "No thank you."

But, she pressed. Finally, my mom said, "She won't eat turkey." My mom knew about my food aversions - and it wasn't because I was pregnant. It was because the list of foods I WILL eat is much shorter than the list of foods I WON'T eat.

So, that is why I have never attempted to cook a turkey myself (GAG). My family will just have to deal with whatever I can find to purchase already cooked. And they really love the Heavenly (or Homestyle -whatever it's called now) Ham and Turkey, so there ya go! A win-win for the ETW!

Have a great Friday and a great weekend!:-)
Love,

Opening Up A Can of Whoop Ass

2011-11-16T10:28:00.000-05:00

A close friend of ours is an entrepreneur and always comes up with the best ideas. He's fearless - he just goes for it. He's also a pilot and is often flying here or there.

He had an idea about things that could be clipped onto the strings of hoodies - that both advertised a certain image and held the strings in place. (How many times have you had to retrieve a string from a hoodie or shorts that got sucked into the material? I know I've used safety pins many times to get those strings back out.)

So, he came up with the Whoop Ass Can Company.

He has worked with the Evil Twin on many projects, and he hired the Evil Twin again to design a logo and the little cans.

Logo:

Now, the Evil Twin did not draw Chubbs (the bulldog, who is an actual dog owned by a friend of the owner of the company), but he did design the rest of the logo and as I said before, the cans. He also designed the packaging material that the cans will be placed in for retail sale.

Check out the page on Facebook and like it. I command you to do so! :-) Besides, isn't that doggy a cutie-pie? The Evil Twin actually got to meet Chubbs at a photo shoot and I am jealous! I want to scritch his fuzzy head. You can look at him and know he is a little love bug.

Hooligans, have a wonderful Wednesday! I have a million things planned for today and I hope to get to it all.

Love,

Another Fun Monday

2011-11-14T11:41:00.000-05:00

We all had a long weekend, thanks to the Veterans Day holiday on Friday. The Evil Twin is a Veteran, so we all thanked him and treated him like a king. I mean, come on! The dude's ass was OWNED by the Air Force for 8 years. No, he didn't serve war time, but he did help with things related to Desert Shield. (or Storm, whatever that first one was).

And that's all I will say about that.

But, we did have 3 days off work/school. Except me. I'm here, 24/7 doing my thing. Honestly, do you think a person such as myself will get a break even when they don't bring in very much money, but do a large part of keeping the household running? I didn't think so. I'm used to it by now.

So, that is why I didn't update on Friday.

Today, the Evil Twin is back to work, the children are both in school and I am trying to get in the groove and be productive.

Right now, I'm eating little mozzarella balls marinated in olive oil that I bought at the deli. Don't judge me! I never eat lunch. (This is true - at nearly 5 foot 9, I weigh 114 lbs). I'm very stressed and I am a stress non-eater.

Currently, I'm sitting here in my undies - because my shorts fell off. But, I need to get in the shower and decide what will be my tasks for the afternoon. I have a variety of choices (as per usual)...but do I want to tackle chores to the East or to the West (I only do one direction a day to bundle the errands and save gas). And, I'm not even a hippie. Just cheap.

Have a nice Monday, hooligans!

Love,

Christmas Layaway

2011-11-10T10:29:00.000-05:00

It's looking like more of a possibility this year than not.

Sissy is in dance class. There is a Winter recital coming up where the girls are to wear a long sleeved white leotard, a white skirt and white tights. They can wear their regular shoes - I always buy black shoes (we have 3 different pair: tap, ballet and modern, or jazz as it's been known in the past.) Her class is only doing one ballet and one modern routine for Winter.

I've already collected everything we need for that.

However, the Spring/Summer recital is a HUGE deal. There will be custom ordered costumes, 3 routines and Lord only knows what kind (color) shoes. The three costumes are $225.00.

I talked to the Evil Twin about it and he said, "I don't care." And that is Evil Twin speak for "Buy the damn costumes."

Normally, I'd be hedging about this, but Sissy LOVES the stage, she loves the performance. She's a 2nd child who has received so many "hand me down" toys and assorted other things, I think we can indulge her one fun activity. :::As an aside, I personally think she is the cutest in the class::: ;-)

It's no secret that I have a crap ton of work to do today, so I'm outta here. Y'all hooligans have a great Thursday!

Love,

Hangin' Around

2011-11-09T11:58:00.000-05:00

Our main TV (in the den...which is the living or sitting room for those not Southern) and it's the BATV (big ass TV) which everyone enjoys watching has been acting up for a few days.

Alternately, the sound drops out and then a few seconds later the picture gets all scrambly - I'm told this is "tiling". We had a technician out on Monday evening and of course, like taking a car in for issues, the TV was not doing the freezing/tiling at the time.

As soon as he left though, it started back up again. We think it might be the DVR box itself because all the other TVs in the house work fine.

And, we have been known to burn through DVR boxes at an alarming rate. Not that they are over-worked, but for some unknown reason, our DVRs seem to shit the bed more often than the average DVR. Maybe they're possessed and hate us.

I just don't know. But, what I DO know is that with the very few - like less than 4 shows I do like to watch - I shouldn't have to watch them on the ancient 13 inch TV in our bedroom just to be able to hear them.

13 inches? Wasn't John Holmes' package bigger than that?? Sheesh, we need a new TV in that room.

Anypoodle, I called the cable company last night and they are sending out a technician today between 10 A and noon. Only, it's 11:54 and the only call I've had is from the office verifying the appointment.

We'll see. I just hope the issue is resolved today.

Happy Wednesday, hooligans! I have more jaw dropping stories coming up! ;-)

Love,

Everyday

2011-11-08T11:33:00.000-05:00

Everyday, I try to sort through the mounds of paperwork I don't have time for initially.

The Evil Twin says my "office" area is a disaster, but I do throw away tons of non-essential papers, magazines, expired coupons, etc. on a regular basis.

I have my bill paying system set up the way it's convenient and accessible to me. I know where every thing is and that's all that is important.

Between the bills, local newspaper flyers and coupons and the kids' homework, it's enough to drive anyone mad.

So, it's the kids' needs first, bills second and everything else can sit and spin a day or two. Which reminds me, I need to vacuum and unload and reload the dishwasher...then make a trip to the Mart. AFTER I get a shower (and it's almost 11:30A).

What have I been doing all morning? Sorting through bills and papers. Cleaning up the junk the kids' left out in the den this morning before school. Scrubbing toilets. Adding "to do" items to my ever growing list. I also have 2 baskets of laundry to fold that I may - or may not - get to today. Our cable box is wacked out, so I need to call them as well. The technician was just here last night and things were A-OK. A few hours after he left, the same problem started up.

Don't get me wrong - I love being able to stay at home and take care of my precious little ones (Don't tell Buddy that, he's almost 14 and would be mortified. LOL.) I just wish it was one thing at a time. But, after nearly 14 years of doing my job, I realize it will never be one thing at a time.

I just try to figure out how to be two (or more) places at once! :-)

I keep telling myself if I made it through tennis lessons with a former pro tour teacher (he was SO demanding) and received my BA degree from university, then I'm strong enough to make it now, too. :-)

Love,

The Fortune Cat

2011-11-07T11:16:00.000-05:00

As my 2 readers know, the Evil Twin goes to the local Chinese Buffet restaurant for lunch on Wednesdays with his co-workers.

There is a market near the buffet place that sells Asian foods, desserts and other knick-knacks. He and Sissy both dig the garlic peas, so he'll pop over there and buy some goodies.

He came home on Wednesday with treats for everyone. Well, not me, but that's okay. I enjoyed seeing the kids happy.

One thing he picked up for Sissy was a "Fortune Cat". It's sort of like a solar powered calculator in that if it is in light, the little left hand waves back and forth. Sooo cute.

Fortune Cat sits on the coffee table and waves at me all day. Fortune Cat don't give a shit, he just gets what he wants (and if I have a say in it, I hope it's money in our bank account - or under the mattress. I'm not picky.)

Bella, our real and not very fortune like cat, is intrigued by this new interloper. Not interested enough to jump up on the table and attack, but interested enough to stand on her hind legs and watch the new arrival to the house. She's kinda lazy.

Anyway, I spent half my day Friday trying to get this daggone video clip up on the old blog, but gave up after a while. Soo, here it is for your amusement today! Enjoy!

Mondays have to be good for something, right?

Love,

What Will Win? Lazy or Convenience?

2011-11-03T11:13:00.000-04:00

As usual, I have housework to do and I've been doing little things here and there. I also need to go to the grocery, but I don't feel like driving to the Mart. I'll have to check the bank account and see if we can afford to pick up a few things from the K-Rogers.

Their prices are so high, it's scary. Maybe they're just doing for the Halloween season? I don't know because I went a day or so ago to pick up the usual: milk, bread, vino, etc. I also wanted to see if there was any leftover candy from Halloween that was marked down.

Ya know what? There was not. They already had their CHRISTMAS candy out. What? No nasty candy corns for Thanksgiving? You are truly a gem, Kroger. Where did the boatload of Halloween candy go?

I have a feeling it's put back in the store room for the next Halloween.

Oh! And I was also at Rite Aid earlier in the week. They had a ton of candy marked 50% off, but it was priced at $14.99 a bag. Soooo, you're charging me the SAME price for the candy by marking it up and then adding a 50% off sign? Even my 5 year old could see through that ruse.

It was fricking $7.50 a bag BEFORE Halloween. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck yesterday....Sheesh.

Rite Aid, you may sell Hobo Priced Wine, but I will not buy your overpriced candy.
Love,
Me

And, hooligans, have a wonderful Thursday. I'll check in tomorrow. I guess.

Love,

Old Skool Texting

2011-11-02T14:28:00.000-04:00

And we didn't use any silly abbreviations, although I have been known to do that in the past (somewhat).

The Evil Twin's computer (desktop) is in his home office, which is downstairs. The kids and I spend most of our time on the main floor. I'm on my laptop, Buddy's on his laptop, Sissy has her DSi and is close to the kitchen for the snack drawer...

I had to get a message to the Evil Twin, but I didn't know if he was in his office (near his cell) or in his Laz-e-Boy chair in his man cave (and not near his cell).

So, I devised a plan. I wrote on a piece of paper. And then I made Sissy take it down to him. [hey, there are many steps between the main floor and the lower floor and she has more energy - She might as well make herself useful).

This is our transaction:

See how well that worked? And we didn't have to spend energy on texting, calling or anything. Just like the good ol' days when people had big families to work the farm, we can all still utilize our crotch parasites to do work for us.

I'll tell one kid or another: "Make yourself useful and __________ (vacuum the den area, go get the mail, pick up your toys & take them to your room, etc.)

Slave labor? Ha! I've got Babe Labor. I trucked those sorry things around for *weeks*. Fed them and everything. Even Sissy, who rode my bladder like it was a bouncy house.

I love my kids! :-)

And, I love my hooligans, too. Y'all have a great Wednesday!

Love,

Halloween + Chilly Nights Do Not Really Work For Me

2011-11-01T11:57:00.000-04:00

In the nearly 6 years that Sissy has been on this planet, she has NOT enjoyed Halloween. Not one little bit.

Last year, we spent the evening with close friends. She went to...maybe 2 houses, got freaked out and spent the rest of the time on our friends' front porch.

But, this year, she seemed to really be getting into the whole "trick or treat" routine.

Unfortunately, it was drizzly and cold here. Buddy, at 13, feels it's beneath him to don a costume and go door to door. We did get Sissy a costume and she was able to wear it at her class Halloween party on Friday.

We might only have a handful of kids show up at our house, since we are kind of not very accessible. So, I told the kids if they stayed home and helped hand out candy, they could help themselves to the candy as well. Sissy wanted to wear her costume (no problem) and everyone had a good time AND stayed warm!

I even squirreled away a Reese's Cup for just myself - they were going fast! Buddy blamed the lack of Reese's on the cat, but since Bella doesn't have opposing thumbs, I doubt it was her. LOL.

This is the first year since I've lived in this state that Trick or Treat night actually happened on the 31st. Very unusual. Samhain (pronounced Sow-ain)must just be too skeery for the folks around here.

The worst thing that happened to us was that a squirrel(s) ate one eye and one toof off our jack-o-lantern.

I guess they wanted to make it creepier looking...since it was all smiley and sweet before.

Well, I hope my hooligans are not too candy-logged today and enjoy the Tuesday.

Love,

18 And Life To Go

2011-10-31T09:11:00.000-04:00

I had to borrow a little song title from the band Skid Row. Now, the actual song and this post have almost nothing to do with each other, except the number 18.

Yesterday, October 30th, the Evil Twin and I reached our 18th year of marriage.

We didn't do anything spectacular. He went and grabbed some sandwiches and then we all laid around in food comas and watched some football. Not very exciting, but as I explained to the kids: October 30th, 1993 was the highlight year. It's just downhill from there. LOL.I keed, I keed.

We've had our share of good moments and bad, but I think that's typical.

I may not act like it all the time, but I'm glad we got married. Without him, we wouldn't have our two beautiful children and I wouldn't laugh nearly as often (he's a hoot).

He has clean nails and no body odor, and he's tidy around the house - i.e. he doesn't leave stuff laying around for me to pick up and deal with.

So, all in all, I think it's a good union.

Now, we made it to 18 years and just have life to go. :-)

Happy Monday, hooligans - and Happy Halloween!

Love,

I'm So Glad it's Friday!

2011-10-28T10:55:00.000-04:00

This has been a long and busy week. It was "Spirit Week" at Buddy's school, which means each class gets points for sporting the attire of the day - like yesterday was Mis-Match day. The kids wear things that don't match and get a point.

At Sissy's school, they had a "field trip" earlier in the week. It was a Bus Safety lesson, even though not all the children take the bus. It was an opportunity for them all to get on the bus, tool around the block and learn some safety rules about riding the ~~scary~~ fun bus.

At the beginning of the year, she had asked me if the bus had seat belts or booster seats. I said, "No." and she said, "Then I don't want to ride it." Fine by me. Then, last week she states that she DOES want to ride the bus. It's an option. I'll think about it.

Then, today, Sissy's school has a Halloween party. I sent her costume (Spider Countess). And, it's also popcorn day, show n tell day and something else I've already forgotten.

A day or so ago, a few forms came home for both kids (not the same forms). I did Buddy's because they were due today - Thanks for the extra "heads up" kid! (he handed them to me last night).

I think the school people are trying to kill me (LOL). It's no wonder I have 4 notebooks and two calendars full of information. I'm lucky if I remember to look down and see if I have shoes on when I leave the house! ;-)

Well, I'm outta here for a fantastic afternoon of errands. I hope all my hooligans have a wonderful and relaxing weekend.

Love,

Who Knew?

2011-10-27T11:12:00.000-04:00

When I had lunch with my friend the other day, she mentioned that her sons - one is a grade behind Buddy and the other is already in High School - came home starving and said that the lunch offerings were a bit on the puny side.

Now, we all know that growing boys can eat and eat and eat. In fact, they all possess at least one hollow leg.

When Buddy got home that day, I asked him about the lunch servings and he said that not only were they light on the food, but often, the food was barely edible.

They do have a salad bar in addition to the hot lunch offering, which is nice. But, get this: The students are separated by gender for lunch and the girls get to go first (makes sense - Ladies First), but by the time the boys arrive for lunch, the salad bar is picked over and there isn't much left. Can they not restock the salad bar area when things are running low or is the economy worse than I know?

All I know is I pay a hefty lunch bill for both children at the end of the month. So, I asked Buddy, "Would you prefer if I prepare a cold lunch for you every day, so you have enough food?" and he said, "NO! There is only one dorky kid who brings a cold lunch every day and no one wants to be like that."

Apparently, it is "uncool" if you bring a lunch. However, things are A-OK if you get a hot lunch and even if it's really horrible, you gain "street cred" points. (even if you pick at the nasty lunch and basically almost starve to death during the day).

I took a lunch EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. of my school career until 10th grade and we could go off campus and buy other things. My poor mom said she got so sick and tired of smelling peanut butter, she never wanted it again. And that was it for me: peanut butter sandwich, no jelly. Items I agreed to add were either apple slices or Fritos. From 1st to 9th, that was MY daily meal. In fact, I don't recall ever having lunch at the school cafeteria - just the smell of the place made me queasy.

Thank goodness, Buddy is a kid who still enjoys having a decent breakfast. I know he's not going off to school completely without any nutrition. Unfortunately, I'm old school and give my kids things like Cocoa Puffs (actually, the generic equivalent). Whatever. I grew up on boxed cereal and/or grits and I turned out...

OK? I guess? I graduated from High School and College. My Dad paid for my education, but he didn't facilitate in any way the outcome of said education. In other words, I didn't get a "pass". I did all the school work myself. And, back then, I lived on potato chips and beer (I was a vegetarian).

But, it breaks my heart that my son has to have such pathetic portions and choices for lunch. That kid could eat a side of beef by himself. Let's face it: Any 13 year old who loves squid/calamari and will order it any time he has a chance is not really your average 13 year old. LOL.

Happy Thursday, hooligans! It's all yucky and grey and rainy here, so I'mma zone out for a few. See ya tomorrow!

Love,

Again? Really?

2011-10-25T12:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend who I've known since Buddy was in preschool. Her boys went to the same school. Unfortunately, she is battling breast cancer and has already had a mastectomy and is on her 2nd round of chemo, but she is the most gracious, vibrant sick person I've ever known. If you want to shout out a prayer or good thought for AW, I think that would be awesome!

Anyway, after our terrific lunch, I had to head up to the Mart for some groceries and a prescription. So, I tool around to the pharmacy first thing (if I don't, I will forget and check out without it). So, we all know how this usually goes for me.

I'm standing at the sign that says I'm next. Patiently waiting for a clerk to come to the front and assist me. I'm next, right? Hohoho.

No. This woman walks up on my left(outside the queue area), and asks, "Are you waiting on your prescription?" I said, "Yes." and she proceeds to pull her cart right up to the counter IN FRONT OF ME. I'm thinking "Holy shit! I think the Universe wants to drive me mad."

Still, I stood quietly and let Granny Clueless get her angina medicine or whatever. Maybe she was in a real hurry for her asshole cream, because it was itching real bad. I don't know....

I must have a sign on my forehead that says, "Doormat".

So, if you need a prescription real quick, wait 'til I'm in line. It's your lucky day!

Love,

I Love A Bargain!

2011-10-21T10:47:00.001-04:00

OK, so yesterday, I mentioned the LivingSocial deal I saw in my email for a super eye exam/glasses place (same place I got my lovely glasses, that I do love). They weren't cheap, but you get what you pay for in most cases.

The Evil Twin didn't need the deal, my next appointment is in February, but I can't even remember the last time Buddy had his eyes checked. Since he was born early, he did develop Retinopathy of Prematurity and had laser surgery on both eyes - he was home from the hospital, but still only weighed 4lbs, 4oz. The surgery went well.

At 18 months, we learned that he would need glasses. We've been dealing with his vision his whole life.

This deal was too good to pass up - $75 and the LivingSocial deal offered an extra $189 for the full package.

The lady who helped us find frames selected several. One frame, Buddy really liked and they were being discontinued. Regular price: over $300.00. Our price, even with the lenses: FREE. Of course, I added polybicarbonite lenses with the Transitions and Sharpview. That put us a little over our free limit, but then I remembered I had a $50 credit at that store for my glasses being not on time as promised.

I used that credit and the total balance, from $428.00 came to $88.00. (don't get all flustered at the original price - Buddy has a very unusual prescription and often the lenses are several times the price of the frames).

They even tightened up his current pair, so they wouldn't slide down his nose all the time! Now, that is service!

The new pair he chose are so light-weight, it's like picking up a feather. Plus, they are gorgeous and they really fit his face just perfect.

The sales girl tried to get him to try on a pair with thicker frames...LOL. He said, "I'm not even trying those on." We both laughed at the BC glasses (birth control glasses - so fugly, no one would want to date you).

We will definitely be back to Ramsey Eye Care and I think we'll have to get Daddy to switch too. They are just too wonderful!

Have a wonderful Friday, my sweet hooligans and enjoy your weekend!

Love,

Who Told Winter It Was Welcome?

2011-10-20T11:14:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, it rained like a monsoon and was also kinda chilly. Today, the temps have dropped into the mid/upper 40s and that makes ETW want to cry.

Here I am, this poor child from the deep South. (Okay, we weren't poor, but most Southerners kinda have the same mindset). I almost never wore shoes if I wasn't going anywhere or had school, etc.

I still rarely wear shoes, even outdoors. But, when the weather cools down enough, I reluctantly pull out socks and my "winter" pair of shoes. I only have one pair - Land's End Hand sewn mocs (which they don't make anymore)and I've had them for about 10 years? Maybe longer? I think tennis shoes are horrific and I'm not too keen on other cold weather shoes.

Yesterday, despite the monsoon, I wore my Mickey Mouse Croc-Flops (like flip flops, only with Mickey Mouse heads on the front - bought at Disney World). There was a load of standing water, so I could feel the water swishing under my feet. It made me laugh.

I think when the weather gets crappy and I can still have a smile on my face, it's all good. But, today, I had to wear my cold weather shoes. A Southern girl can't take it when the temperature is below 50. That's just not even right!

Unfortunately, I still have to make one more trip out and about this afternoon. The Evil Twin will be picking up Sissy from school, while I take Buddy to a much needed appointment at the eye doctor. I got this amazing deal from LivingSocial.com. And, it's the same place I went to get my "I'm blind and can't read up close" glasses. They're awesome and the deal is even more awesome!

Y'all should check it out and see what great deals are available in your area. This is the first deal I've purchased, so I'll let you know how it goes!

Until then, sweet hooligans, enjoy your Thursday - even if it is rainy and cold and not suitable sandal wearing weather.

Love,

The Pharmacy

2011-10-19T17:09:00.000-04:00

Need I say more? Why, yes. Yes, I do.

I had to stop by our friendly neighborhood Kroger to pick up two prescriptions I needed.

I stood at the sign indicating where patrons should wait until the party in front of you is finished with their transaction.

Finally, it was my turn.

As I approached the counter, so did a guy who might have died in 1974 and no one informed him yet. That, or he was due to be reincarnated as a parrot because that's how close he was to perching on my shoulder.

I kept giving the clerk the hairy eyeball and then moving my eyes to the right (where Mr. No Clue stood breathing down my neck).

She really wasn't getting the hint, so I raised my voice and said, "Boy, howdy! I'm glad my medicine came in. Now, maybe I won't have another occurrence of my herpes."

At that point, she seemed to "get it" and asked the dude to step back a bit.

The most absurd thing is that he only had a refill to drop off - which is a window around the corner from the pick up area.

There are TWO signs posted about patient privacy. One is about 4 feet from the counter. The other is directly ON the counter in front of the register.

Oh well, I got rid of my little shadow and all was right with the world. Until next time.....

Happy hump day, hooligans.

Love,

Casa Evil Twin

2011-10-17T11:00:00.000-04:00

It was a pretty exciting weekend around here - by our standards, anyway.

On Friday evening, the Evil Twin's younger sister (by 2 yrs) turned 50 and her BFF for life threw a surprise birthday party for her at a local restaurant. It was loads of fun and we were able to catch up with so many people we don't see that often. Even the Evil Twin's younger brother (by 4 years), his wife and their daughters - our two very lovely nieces were there. They live a few states away, so it's always a pleasure to spend time with them.

Buddy is a year younger than the oldest niece and Sissy is a year younger than the younger niece. The kids had fun running around the restaurant together. This restaurant has an outside deck on the river, so I allowed some running around - normally, they sit in their seats for the entire meal. It was more of a beachy/party feel, so I wasn't too strict. :-)

On Saturday, the family came by our house and hung out for a few hours. That was nice.

Sunday, we decided a trip to the Target was in order. Buddy needed new tennis shoes (in a serious way) and Sissy needed a few new pairs of jeans that weren't high waters.

The previous week, when I picked up Sissy from school, her teacher told me that she had been called into a meeting with the 5th grade teachers. She was asked to read them a book (a cold read - not one she had seen before), and she only stumbled over one word. The next day, I asked her teacher what prompted this and she said, "Oh, we just wanted to show her off." LOL. That girl loves to read (she's 5). I think she's well on her way to being tested reading at the college level by 2nd grade, just like her Momma.

I'm not sorry I let her eat 2 Moon Pies for breakfast this morning. That chocolate coating probably has milk in it, right? :::shrugs::: The way I see it is: If they're eating - anything - it's better than nothing.

When I was a youngster, and a very picky eater, my pediatrician told my mom, "She will not starve to death. If her body craves it, then let her have it." He was a wise man. And, also from the deep South where we like to eat any number of odd things.

Well, hooligans, this is my motto for Monday:

Love,

A Gnauisance

2011-10-14T10:38:00.000-04:00

Every year, around this time, we are plagued with gnats or fruit flies or something really bothersome. I guess with the cooler weather, they want to find a warmer place to try to get lodged in my eyeballs. Or up my nose. Or be consumed in a glass of wine when I'm not paying attention - hey, it's protein, right?

I cleverly set up my little "wine traps" when I see more than one in an area. Like me, they can't seem to pass up a little sip o' the hooch and then....BLAMMO. They're drowned. If ya gotta go, that's a pretty good way to check out.

After all, don't they only have a life cycle of just a few weeks anyway? Just long enough to get nasty with each other, then spawn other little gnats to make my life a living hell.

They seem to be particularly interested in me. Seriously, I feel like Pig Pen from the Peanuts comic/cartoon. And I shower daily your majesty (any guesses what movie that line comes from?).

I guess it could be worse. Yuckier critters than gnats. In our old house, every Fall brought the plague of lady bugs. Our sliding glass door looked like the fly room in Amityville Horror. I sucked up those stinky, rag tag intruders with my vacuum, then immediately threw the bag out.

It probably doesn't help our cause in that Buddy leaves a number of soda cans lining the dresser in his room. The trash can is RIGHT NEXT to the dresser, so we have not been able to determine where the disconnect is between placing the cans out in the open or placing the cans in the trash receptacle.

My kids are smart ones, but I wonder sometimes. Gnats and fruit flies love sticky, sweet syrupy type meals. It's safe to assume those flying little bastards will be willing to cut a bitch just to be the first to get inside those cans.

I'll keep setting out my little wine traps. Lord, I hate that I have to share my meager wine stash with bugs, but it has to be done. Maybe by November, we'll be a gnat free zone.

Have a happy Friday, hooligans! Enjoy your weekend. :-)

Love,

Missing: My Motivation. Have You Seen It?

2011-10-13T12:10:00.000-04:00

I don't know when I saw it last or even the location where it might have gone missing.

It seems like everything and nothing are going on at the same time. Know what I mean?

I just need to find my balance in life again. And, I'm working on it. I tend to be a bit on the borderline anemic. It's been that way as long as I can remember. With both pregnancies, I was told to take iron supplements. With Buddy, I bought the supplements and he was born the next day, so I didn't even get a chance to get started on that.

With Sissy, I took a prenatal vitamin, an iron supplement, folic acid supplement (I can't even remember how much, but it was several times the average need..."Advanced Maternal Age" and all that good stuff, ya know.), progesterone, 2 injections a day of a blood thinner and a baby aspirin.

While I do not enjoy being a walking pharmacy, I did whatever I could to get her to full term. [For those of you not aware, Buddy was born at 28 weeks - 2lbs, 5oz - due to a semi-rare blood clotting disorder that was not diagnosed until after his birth]. Besides being a snotty sullen teenager - normal - he did not suffer any long term ill effects of his early arrival.

Maybe I need to get back on those iron pills. Who knows? I have a doctor's appointment next week, so perhaps I will find out more. There will be blood work involved and a gallbladder and liver ultrasound. Good times. Good times.

I really don't care what they do or what I have to do. Getting a bit of energy back would be really nice! Dontcha think? I'm old enough to be a granny, but seriously! I shouldn't be acting like one! LOL.

Well, my house needs my sorry lackadaisical ass attention for some cleaning, so I will bid you happy Thursday, my hooligans - hope your day is more productive than mine! :-)

Love,

2 Day Vacation of Sorts

2011-10-12T12:44:00.000-04:00

The kids were out of school for Columbus Day on Monday and then, they were also off Tuesday for.... I don't know. Teacher planning day? I'm really not sure. I just go with what the calendar says.

I'm a flaky mom, at best. I do try, but I'm so tired all the time. Often, things will get put on the bottom o' the list.

I have a love/hate relationship with school. I like it because I can get things accomplished during the day. I hate it because I have to get up early and get the small fry ready for school. Buddy does most of his own stuff, except I do get him cereal in the morning because it's faster if I do it. Sissy is much more labor intensive and mostly not very cooperative. That's when I start to lose my mind.

Luckily, I can get her ready in time and myself semi-ready in time to make it there before the tardy bell. (All my life, I have hated being late for things...it hasn't changed since I've gotten older).

Speaking of being older, last night I was sitting in the lobby area waiting for Sissy to complete her dance class. I started to chat with the mom next to me and I asked what her daughter's name was. She told me and then followed up with, "It's from the XXXX song. My mom named her." I said, "Oh, yes, I am a child of the 70s. I love that song. I was born in 1968."

And then....she said it: "So was my mom!" Seriously?

Suddenly, I felt much older than my (very few) 43 years. PLUS, her daughter is a year older than mine. OUCH.

Despite the age difference, we had a lovely conversation and even exchanged numbers, with the hopes we could get the girls together for a playdate. Neither of us live in neighborhoods where small children are common, so it makes sense to set up a weekend day where they can play - either indoors or out.

It was nice having a few days "off" my regular routine, but I am exceedingly tired today. And, I'll be thrown off my schedule for a while. But, it's one day closer to the weekend. Yay!

I hope all you hooligans have a lovely Wednesday and I'll C U 2morrow! (hee hee).

Love,

Reading is FUNdamental

2011-10-07T11:05:00.000-04:00

Both of our children have been read to since they were tiny babies. We practiced ABCs with them both early on as well.

I am not the best parent in the world. I plopped both of them in front of the TV when they were small. However, I DID try to find the most educational shows. If I couldn't find anything educational at the time, I didn't feel like Spongebob would send them to therapy later on. I'm not a censor and the way I see it is: It's okay to mix in some fun with some learning. It can't always be reading, math, science, etc. Children also need to sharpen their sense of humor.

That will get them a lot further in life on a social level than memorizing the entire string of Pi.

As a child, I was Contessa Nerdleroy, but I also had parents who let me stay up late on Saturdays and watch Saturday Night Live (in the early 70s, when it was actually good). And, my mom never went thru a grocery check out line without buying me the newest issue of MAD magazine. ("Only 50 cents!"). Heh.

It's really no surprise to us that both children have been accomplished readers early. But Sissy, she really blows us away.

Naturally, the second child gets the shaft when it comes to attention, so I've done the bare minimum to try to keep her at or above her age level in learning and developmental behaviors.

She is 5. She can read things that she has A) Never seen before. B) Never been read to her by an adult and C). Mastered words that she has never been coached on by us or her teachers.

I'm not trying to be braggy, but it does make my heart feel good when my kids do well with whatever happens to catch their interest. That's what it's all about: Do what you love and love what you do.

If you have an extra moment and are so inclined to check it out, our own Jeff Kay from the West Virginia Surf Report offered me an opportunity to guest post on his site this week (today, in fact), since he is on vacation. I was nervous as hell, but I managed to plop out something resembling a post (nothing WVSR worthy, but I tried).

I'm so glad it's Friday, hooligans. Aren't you? I hope y'all have a wonderful weekend and I'll see ya soon!

Love,

Life: She is Complicated, My Friend

2011-10-05T12:17:00.000-04:00

Why is it that life can never be just "it is what it is" all the time. It seems like I have the most unpredictable things pop up. And, I love the predictable.

This year has been very difficult for me. I haven't had to shuttle a child to school in the morning for over 3 years. Now, I have to take Sissy in, because her school starts an hour later than Buddy's school. The Evil Twin drops him off and then continues to drive to his office.

So, I valiantly face and fight the morning cluster of the DOZ (the "drop off zone"). It's a madhouse.

Yesterday, we were all off for the "special election" for Governor, and then today, we're right back in the thick of things with the madhouse adventures.

I received a call from my sister-in-law this morning (she's married to the Evil Twin's younger brother) to let me know that our mother-in-law is in the hospital. My SIL didn't have many details, but I could narrow down the most likely hospitals to just 2. My second call (hospital #2) was the one.

The initial thought is that she has diverticulitis and may need colon surgery. Apparently, she has been there since Monday. Check it out: this is WEDNESDAY. The only reason my SIL and her husband found out was because my SIL had sent her an email and hadn't had a reply.

Do you think that MILs husband could have called any of us? I stay home, my SIL is at home and the Evil Twin's sister is also at home. There is no excuse for not trying to contact even one of the three siblings. Smooth move, Ex-Lax. We won't forget this.

I have to go and plan out the rest of my day. I hope all my hooligans have a happy Hump Day!

Love,

Weekends Go By Too Fast!

2011-10-03T11:45:00.000-04:00

Luckily, we do have an odd "Special Election" day tomorrow, so all state employees are off and the kids are out of school (the polls are set up in the public schools).

Of course, the Evil Twin and I will be getting out to vote - as we always do. We also always see the same familiar faces helping out for our district, so that's kinda fun.

This past weekend, we had many errands to run. So, Saturday was the day of choice (out of necessity, not out of really wanting to go out.)

First, the children both had their hair cut. Buddy looked like a hot mess. His hair was all over the place and unmanageable. Then, we have Sissy. Her hair had gotten so long, it was a chore to wash it and dry it, plus it was always full of tangles. Getting ready for school - even with the detangle spray was a chore and full of "Owwws" and much whining.

Both of them had excellent cuts and I'm really happy about the results.

Then, we had to run to the Deep Homo (Home Depot) to purchase things needed around the house - it's always something.

Next up, the Mart. Not my usual mart. Noooo. The one I hate. And, it was the first of the month, which means "food stamp city".

Don't get me wrong, I don't judge anyone or any family who needs assistance, but it makes for a rather crowded day and the check out lines were just crazy. Really, I had not had a chance to get out earlier in the week and it came down to crunch time.

We finished up in a mere 3 and a half hours overall and I'll take that as a win!

How was your weekend? Did it fly by likes ours? I hope all of my hooligans have a happy Monday - I know that's asking a lot, but just try, OK?

Love,

Rules for Teens

2011-09-30T13:57:00.000-04:00

I didn't make this up and I can't even remember where I stole it from, but I felt it rang true and it also made me laugh.

Share this with a teen in your life:

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were: So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room..

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. *This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. *Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one..

If you can read this... Thank a Teacher. If you can read this in English... Thank a Soldier!

Enjoy! Have a great weekend, hooligans!

Love,

Why???

2011-09-29T11:47:00.000-04:00

I just sent in the last payment on our van earlier this month. We're in possession of the title. Our Buick was an inheritance vehicle that had been paid off before we received it.

So, here we are, finally with no car payments again (we went 10 years with no car liens). Then, the shit hits the fan. Both vehicles need work. Both have very low mileage for their age, so we'll suck it up and pay for repairs until it just doesn't make sense anymore.

Then, Buddy's ceiling fan went bad. The fan works, but the lights don't. We've tried everything to fix it. This weekend, we'll be out shopping for a new fan. We also want one in our master bedroom and Sissy wants on in her room (the latter 2 rooms have crappy 2 bulb, saucer-type shades and they're beyond fugly - IMO). We also bought a new light fixture for the kitchen a while back, so we might as well hire someone out to do all four fixtures at once.

Ching ching.

We're good people. We're giving to our community, with both time and money (if we have extra). So, karma SHOULD give us a break, right?

Sometimes, it does. But, right now, we're getting the shaft on all sides.

People might say, "ETW, get off your duff and get a J.O.B." But, I found out this morning that, according to a certain early literacy test, given to Kindergarten through 3rd grade, that Sissy not only did very well, but scored "Off the chart". The administrator of the test told me "She blew me away with her knowledge". They basically only expect a beginning Kindergarten student to score a 5. Sissy scored over 60 and the chart only shows up to the 50 line. The goal for this age is to score a 25 by January. She has already passed that in all three testing areas.

I've stayed at home with both of my li'l crotch parasites and worked with them both, so whatever monetary benefits we've let go are worth it to me.

It'll all work out in the end, right? :-)

Have a happy Thursday, my hooligans!

Love,

In Da Weeds

2011-09-28T10:12:00.000-04:00

That's me and laundry these days. So, today - like "Man vs. Food", it will be "Mom vs. Laundry". I hope I can take the laundry down and claim my victory.

So far, I have a good start.

I have my own little system. First, I sort things into piles of what they are: shirts, socks, etc. Anything that needs to be put on a hanger immediately - like the Evil Twin's work clothes - go directly on a hanger. I then sort the piles to who they belong to. Then, it's to folding and making neat little stacks for each person.

Once the stacks are complete, then I help them find their way to the appropriate drawer. That way, the family can open the closet or drawer and be all surprised that the Laundry Fairy paid a visit!

Well, this mound o' laundry isn't going anywhere if I'm on the computer. Wish me luck! And, have a happy hump day, hooligans!

Love,

Crock Pot Sunday

2011-09-27T10:22:00.000-04:00

Beef Tip Roast and Vegetables

1 2-2 1/2 lb beef round tip roast (I used a rump roast and it was fine)
1 1/2 lbs small potatoes (about 10) halved (leave the peels on - saves time and provides nutrients and fiber).
2 med. carrots, cut into one inch pieces (1 cup)
1 large onion, sliced
1 bay leaf
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 10 oz. can condensed beef broth
3 tbsp. all purpose flour
3 tbsp. butter, melted
1 10 oz pkg frozen cut green beens

1. Trim fat from roast. If necessary, cut roast to fit into slow cooker. Place potatoes, carrots, and onion to crock. Add bay leaf and pepper. Place roast over veggies.

2. Pour broth over roast. Cover, cook on low heat for 12 -14 hours or high for 6 - 7 hours. In a small bowl, combine flour and butter. Remove roast from cooker and set aside. Stir flour mixture and green beans into cooker. Return roast, cover and cook 1 hour more.

3. To serve, discard bay leaf. Arrange roast and veggies on a warm serving platter. Spoon some gravy over roast and pass the remaining gravy at the table.

This makes a lot of food. But, my family had it polished off in a day and a half. I served it with rolls I found in the frozen section (Sister someone or the other rolls - it was in a round tin pan).

Everyone - and I mean everyone in the family loved this. That doesn't happen often. If you need to serve fewer than 4 people, I'd just cut the recipe in half. If you need to serve more, just add more and a bigger roast (you'll need more than a 5 or 6 quart slow cooker for that amount).

At any rate, you can't go wrong with the slow cooker. Chuck the ingredients in, turn it on and there ya go: mid day Sunday dinner with very little effort on your part.

Well, my beautiful hooligans, I must go. I have an appointment with my primary care physician in a bit (follow up stuff). It seems like with the kids, myself and the cat, someone needs a doctor's visit every other day. The routine is wearing me out!

Y'all have a great Tuesday and I'll see ya tomorrow!

Love,

Life is "interesting"

2011-09-26T11:03:00.000-04:00

Last week was pretty craptacular. I had a million things to do and no time and no motivation to actually do them.

When I reach this point, the Evil Twin elevates his own mood to "asshole" status.

Luckily, I can ignore it for the most part, so I just move on.

I woke up at 7 am yesterday morning to prep for crock pot Sunday. I should have been ahead of the ordeal by prepping the night before, but I got tired.

By 8 am, I convinced myself to get the crock going. I had to cut some fat off a roast and even though I have not been a vegetarian for many years now, working with meat products still gives me the willies. There was a bit of dry heaving on my part, but I was right beside the sink, luckily and the only substance I'd had prior to 7 am was a few little sips of water.

After several hours of crocking, the finished product was not only cooked thoroughly, but also delicious.

I'll post the recipe tomorrow - it was a smash hit with the entire family (don't let it be known that I like the veggies the best!).

I have been so far behind today, I'm so tired...It's time for a shower and getting on with life in general. Buddy has an appointment with the orthodontist later. I'm sure there will be torture involved.

Have a happy Monday, hooligans! Don't do anything I wouldn't do! ;-)

Love,

Weary

2011-09-22T11:11:00.000-04:00

No updates for today. I'm too tired.

An Exciting Vet Visit

2011-09-21T10:43:00.000-04:00

Bella had her yearly vet check up on Monday. When I called to make the appointment, I expressed some concern about her stools (poops). I then asked if I could just bring in a sample rather than have something shoved in her poo hole (gotta be traumatizing, dontcha think?).

Because she uses the toilet, I knew I could get a nice clean, litter-free sample. They said that was fine. She's a morning pooper, so once she did her poopy bizness, I took a ziploc bag and a plastic fork (What? You think I'd use my own silverware?) and got to work.

There was a good sample right at the front of the bowl, so that was my target. I tried to scoop it up with the fork tines, but it rolled off and got away from me. I decided a more aggressive approach was needed.

So, I speared it like a pickle. But, then half of it broke off.

In my head, I thought, "Screw it." and threw the poo in the baggie. Then, I put the baggie into a brown lunch sack and put it away until appt. time.

Meanwhile, she had to do a number one. I saw her get into position, so I grabbed a small plastic cup with a lid and figured I'd provide them with a urine sample as well.

The pee went right into the little container, I snapped the lid on it and put it in the brown bag beside the ziploc of poo.

I couldn't help but think "What has my life come to?" I'm turd wrangling and sneaking up behind my cat while she pees for a urine sample? The daggone vet's office should be paying ME for doing all the dirty work.

Instead, Bella was given a few shots and a clean bill of health and I walked out $93 poorer.

For a $40 cat, she likes to spend our money.

At least I don't have to buy litter! :-)

Happy Wednesday, my precious hooligans. I think I figured out my computer "attack site" situation, but would you all let me know if you're still getting it? You can email me at eviltwinswife@gmail.com - or if you're on my FB list, you can send a message to me there....I guess that is IF you read this despite the stinky "warning".

Love,

Obsessions

2011-09-20T09:35:00.000-04:00

I decided to take a break from housework and trying to fix my computer issue - take my mind off of things for about 10 minutes or so.

I find myself doing that a lot lately. I'll start a task and then get bored with it after 15 minutes, so then I move on to another task and do that for a few minutes. It might take me a bit longer, but it all gets finished eventually.

Anyhoodle, I noticed when I was sorting the clean laundry this morning that Sissy has a really large stack of panties. Like, I wouldn't have to launder her bloomers for quite some time - she has enough to hold out a while. Then, it hit me. I'm obsessed with panties.

With Sissy, I'm not talking anything provocative or racy.They're all age appropriate and full coverage. But, if I see a pack that has interesting patterns, colors or (God Forbid) "Hello Kitty" on them, I am powerless to just keep walking. BOO-YA: right into my cart!

I'm the same way for myself. If I see a pack that are cute, cute, cute - then I'm gonna buy, buy, buy. I mean, really, isn't that something all of us couldn't have enough of?

At least I'm not like my one sister in law - I have three: 2 are sweet and I love them with all my heart. One is as dumb as a box of rocks. She's so lazy, she won't actually DO laundry. When she runs out of undies, she just goes and buys another pack. I don't know what happens to the neglected dirty ones (:::shivers:::::).

I cherish ALL of mine and wear them until they are falling apart from being washed so often.

Then, I go out and buy more, to boost morale for the others in the drawer (no pun intended). Maybe they won't think of their fallen comrade with a few new panties to mingle with.

I must get back to folding, etc. I hope all my hooligans have a great Tuesday!

Love,

If I Was a Hacker, I'd Start With Hacker Losers Body Parts

2011-09-19T11:38:00.000-04:00

Somehow, I've pick up some bad code or something and now my 3 readers are getting a warning that this blog is an attack site.

Thank goodness I have a friend who is much more tech savvy than dum-dum over here (that'd be me). If I can follow his directions - which I'm sure are absolutely fine, but we have to factor in "user error" there (again, that'd be me), I hope to have a resolution at some point today.

We'll see.

Until then, I leave you with this iconic image of a man I have loved with all my heart and soul since I was 2 years old:

Love,

A Quiet Day

2011-09-15T10:26:00.000-04:00

Finally, I have a totally quiet day. That doesn't mean I'm not busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest, though.

I really don't mind many aspects of housework. You know what I do hate? Making phone calls to get things straightened out, or to get some needed information. I usually get transferred 5 million times (exaggeration - that's how I roll) and then on the last transfer, after having explained myself 5 million times, I get cut off.

Story of my life.

The Evil Twin and I both needed to have our cars checked for potential problems yesterday, so we dropped the van (mine) off and used his for the day to run other errands. Shortly before 3, the garage called and said my van was ready! Yay!

On my way home, I have to turn left onto the main road going to our neighborhood. It's a 4 way intersection with stop lights. I had the green and started to turn until some crazy bat ran the red light and made a left right in front of me. Thank goodness I wasn't going very fast or I would have hit her.

By the looks of her, I'm pretty sure she died in 1974 and no one ever told her. It reminded me of one of my favorite jokes:

Two elderly ladies were driving around town. Ethel was driving and Myrtle was a passenger. Ethel ran thru one red light, but Myrtle didn't say a word, she was just glad they weren't hit. Then, Ethel ran thru a 2nd red light. Again, Myrtle kept quiet. Then, Ethel ran thru a 3rd red light and Myrtle couldn't take it any more. She said, "Ethel, do you realize you have gone thru 3 red lights?" and Ethel replied "Oh, am I driving?"

Shortly after we all arrived home, the Evil Twin and Sissy decided to make a trip to the Mart of K. It is situated in a large strip mall area with plenty of parking and several other handy stores. He was in the turn lane to enter the lot when some lunatic drove over the curb and into the grass, as if that was the entrance. He said it was someone in a Buick similar to ours and I'm almost positive that Ethel who ran the red light was also in a Buick (it was a 4 door sedan of some type). I'm almost positive it was the same lunatic.

Whoever was driving had to back it up, back into the road while all the other vehicles had to wait for "whoever" to get out of this ridiculous pickle.

You get all kinds around here..... Never a dull moment. I'll take that, as long as I'm only a witness and not involved in the crazy.

It's laundry day here, so I must tend to my work. I hope all my hooligans have a lovely Thursday! (I'm still working on the error message mess....hopefully I'll be back to normal soon). :-)

Love,

The Road to Hell

2011-09-14T09:52:00.000-04:00

Is paved with good intentions. Example: You do something that benefits people other than yourself. The next day, you are blessed with a kind and giving soul who does some housework for you (for free). And no, he wasn't some weirdo, he just wanted to do a good deed for the day.

Then you find out an astronomical hospital bill was in error and you don't owe a dime. One car was inherited, the other paid off last month.... Both not very old and not very many miles. Well, the Evil Twin's inherited vehicle (a 2003 Buick with around 30K miles on it) starts losing parts and having problems.
Then, my van (a 2003 Voyager LX) is paid off last month and suddenly, it feels like the transmission is slipping.

We decided to get it looked at NOW, rather than wait and have a complete disaster. Hopefully, it's early in the game and can be fixed relatively quickly and inexpensive (as car repairs go, at any rate).

Bud has a dr. appt. today and Sis needs a ride home, so we'll see how all this pans out. Sheesh. Just when I thought things might be getting back to "normal" again, we face more adversity.

I don't know when I'll be back or even if I want to continue here. It seems to be becoming more trouble than it's worth. I have the evil malware warning (even though I do not get it using Firefox) and I spend hours trying to find a way to contact Google, to no avail.

I need to go get ready for the "Bad News Car Repair" report. At least the Evil Twin and I can walk to Wendy's and get some lunch.....(that's SUCH a boost - eh, not really).

I hope you hooligans are having a better day than yours truly....I'll be around. Y'all know where to find me. :-)

Love,

What Was I Thinking?

2011-09-12T09:15:00.000-04:00

Sissy had an ear infection a couple of weeks ago, so we went to the docs for a check up and antibiotics. I also realized I had not made either child's yearly "well child" check up for the year. I wanted to schedule that, but on separate days.

Buddy is 13 and there may be some things he wants to discuss or whatever that he wouldn't appreciate having his little sister there. So, not being a morning person (I'm only forced to fake it most of the time), the nurse gave me tomorrow at 1:30 for Sis and Wednesday at 1:30 for Bubs.

Then, I get home and realize that I have an appointment to see my neuro today at 12:30. The cat also needs to be scheduled for her yearly check up....I might wait 'til next week for that one. Once she sees that crate, she's totally onto me.

This summer, I had plans to harness train her. My first calico walked on a lead and would heel, sit in the car seat happily and just kinda go with the flow. But, it was just so blasted hot most days and getting her into the harness is a bit of a challenge - I'm afraid if I start with just a collar, she might choke on it, trying to get away.

Some cats just take to it easier than others. When Chingate heard the clinking of the lead and collar, she knew it was happy bye-bye time and would come running. I'd open the car door and she would hop in and make herself at home on the passenger side seat - sometimes in the back window if it was sunny, so she could catch some rays. That was back when I had a 4 door sedan. Now, I have a van - so there is no back ledge to perch upon. So, this is gonna be a busy week for yours truly. I still have to work in food shopping and prep, housekeeping, child wrangling, etc.

All I know is that I would not cancel my neuro appt. for a million dollars - I probably wouldn't be seen for another 6 months. Around here, finding a neurologist is almost a futile attempt. IF you find one AND you can get your foot in the door, it's nothing short of a miracle. My 1st neurologist moved out of state - no biggie, because I wasn't very fond of him and wanted to get in with the most popular neuro in town. Which, after much hand-wringing and paperwork, I was deemed worthy of being her patient. I really liked her. She and her husband (also a neurologist)....moved out of state. I decided to go with the doctor that my former physician's assistant (for my 2nd doc) was going to work for. I knew he could get me in. And, so far, I like the new doc.

He's very pleasant and a good listener. That is my week in a nutshell.

Do you ever over-schedule yourself by accident? I'm really not a fan of that. I'll need to figger out my smart phone calendar app, so I can have my schedule at all times. I hope all my hooligans are off to a great start this week. Happy (?) Monday. :-)

Love,

I Hate Crappy Service

2011-09-07T10:38:00.000-04:00

And I know most of you do, too! I became aware of an issue with the blog recently that involved a warning message. The message stated that the (this) blog was somehow associated or infested with malware.

I ran an anti-virus scan and an anti-malware scan and I think I have the issue solved. We'll see. At any rate, I'm very sorry. Not that anyone was rushing to read my boring missives, but I hate to give any sense of my site is full of cooties and y'all just hoping you run away before the cooties hit YOUR computer.

Myself and several others affected by this cootie problem think it's probably some sort of scam. I'm not sure, but just in case, I did all the scans I could think of and cleaned up my computer (although I didn't find anything suspicious after the scans). I just want this menace to GO AWAY.

I really write for myself - I enjoy it. All my life, I wanted to be a writer, a radio host and a mom. I've done all three and I can say Momming is the best job I ever took on. Writing on the blog is also to me because I can clear my head of silly things, frustrations, daily trials and tribulations, and whatever else my weird mind brews up.

I feel like I "matter" in a sense. When I say I am a stay at home mom, I get one of two reactions: Jealousy or the "Pitiful Stare of Shame" that I'm not using my degree. Every now and then, I get understanding or acceptance. Yay!

I'm running late (as per usual) and have to get going if I want to get anything accomplished today. So, I bid my hooligans a Wednesday farewell - Have a GREAT day!

Love,

It's Raining, It's Pouring...Soon, I'll be Snoring

2011-09-06T10:03:00.000-04:00

I hope you all had a relaxing 3 day weekend. Ours was nice, but it has rained every day and sometimes, pretty extremely. This morning is no different. I took Sissy to school and tried to keep us as dry as possible getting inside.

I felt bad, because the temperature has dropped so much here, I wanted her to wear something on her legs (not shorts, as usual). So, I chose a really cute outfit she had last year and woke her up.

We were running late. The Evil Twin either forgot to set the alarm or turned it off and went back to sleep. I never heard it (and I always hear it), so I'm not sure what happened. I woke up at 7 and we all had to get cracking.

After I got Sissy breakfast and fixed her hair, I put her in said outfit. It had leggings and those were a full inch too short. I didn't have time to examine all her other pants and the new ones I'd bought at the beginning of the year are still in the laundry basket with tags on them. I hadn't anticipated a cold snap this early on.

So, I dragged my rain-soaked child into school and told her teacher that, "For today, she is wearing 'Capris'" with a wink.

Her teacher and aide are so sweet. They snickered and said they understood...I hope they were laughing WITH me. LOL.

Since it is such a craptacular day, I think I will sort through clothes, wash new ones and catch up on random "to do" items. I should be headed to the Mart, but I'm really not into being soaked by rain and cold - not to mention my hair will not tolerate this weather. Let's see....do I want to look pleasant or have hair like Roseanne Roseannadanna? (Those of you under 35 will need to Google this).

Who knows what today has in store for me? I just kind of make it all work somehow.

I hope my hooligans have a safe and happy Tuesday and I'll see ya tomorrow!

Love,

New Discoveries

2011-09-02T09:42:00.000-04:00

It's amazing to me how far in the weeds I've gotten regarding housework. Here I thought, "Oh, both kids in school all day: I'll have tons of time to clean."

Well, let me just tell you I was wrong. So. Very. Wrong. After I drop Sissy off at Kindergarten, I come home and like to have a little downtime. You know, about an hour to check my email, Facebook, etc. Then, I get a shower and get to work, but there's a lot to do here!

Yesterday, a friend and I went to see "The Help". I'd read the book, as had she, and we were both keen on catching the movie. The movie was longer than we expected, but it didn't help that there were 40 (exaggeration) previews before the actual show got started. It was very good. We shared a popcorn and when it was over, I didn't even have to look at her. I reached into my handbag and got 2 tissues. One for her, and one for me. We laughed, we cried - it was a cool girlfriend bonding moment. LOL. (Kenju will know who I was with....shhhhh).

So, I didn't get around to much housework yesterday, but just to get out of the house with a friend was a real treat. I have not physically stepped foot in a theatre in probably 6 years. Luckily, there were only about 10 people total (including us) there. Early weekday matinees are the bomb!

My other recent discovery is that Bella (the cat) is intensely interested in the lizard population that live out in the brick planter on the patio. Well, it's not so much a "planter" as it is an overly large weed patch, but whatever. There's a little gap at the bottom and that's where they hang out until they want some sun, then they skitter out and drive Bella to the brink of insanity. I have never seen a cat's tail flap around that fast or with as much force as she puts into it.

Housework calls my name, so I must get at it. Happy Friday, hooligans and YAY for a long weekend - I think we all really need a long weekend at Casa Evil Twin. Enjoy yours!

Love,

The Week That Wouldn't End

2011-08-31T10:21:00.000-04:00

This week(and we're only half way into it)has been a real beyotch. Ever since school started, I have had one obligation after the next.

Not being able to catch up makes a certain ETW very grouchy and anxious. Those two things are such a constant in my life, I really just do not need extra.

Currently, I have a load of stuff in the dryer and a load in the washer. The beds are made and I smell of bleach because I'm multitasking and cleaning the bathrooms, too (yes, I DO wash my hands frequently between tasks).

I haven't had time to get a shower. Yet, I have sewing to do and dishes to put away (and then reload).

When I took Sissy to the pediatrician's yesterday, I was asked at the front desk if I was her "guardian". I replied, "No, I'm her mother. I gave birth to her and she's mine." Why do people think I'm her grandmother? I mean, I don't leave the house if I don't have at least a bit of make-up on and my hair looking decent. Talk about a blow the ego....I seriously don't think I look that old. Or - maybe I AM old and have some sort of dementia where my reality is skewed?

I must get back to my chores. They won't do themselves, ya know? And, seeing as how this is the only full day of freedom I have, I want to get as much as possible moved over to the "finished" stack.

I hope all my hooligans have a lovely Wednesday.

Love,

A First Time for Everything

2011-08-30T15:46:00.000-04:00

I picked Sissy up from school yesterday and as soon as we walked in the door, she was on the couch, all curled up and she looked a little puny.

Now, this is my child who has one speed and that's "Go, Go, Go" all the time. I asked her if she felt bad and she said "No, but my ear hurts." "Which one?" I ask. She points at the left one.

I call the pediatrician and make an appointment for today. I had already decided to keep her home today. A Sissy asleep on the couch, mid-day, is not a good omen for her.

This morning, she wakes up and says her ear no longer hurts and she feels fine. I keep the appointment anyway, just to be on the safe side.

My children are not the "ear infection" types. In fact, Buddy has had one and that was in preschool. Sissy has never had one. We get to the docs and she's fairly certain that it's just a cold and not an ear infection. She looks in that left ear and YUP, it's red and has fluid in it.

Hopefully this will be the first and last one for her. The last time Buddy was in the hospital, he was about 2 with a nasty stomach virus. The last time Sissy was in the hospital, she had just been born. I really don't want anymore hospital visits. I'm quite sure that is an unrealistic goal, but a girl can hope. And we all know that if the kidlets get multiple ear infections, they're gonna get tubes.

Well, I have a monster zit on my chin (due for some home surgery) and a pretty princess who needs to go to her first Fall dance class this evening, so I will hope that my hooligans had a better Tuesday than yours truly. :-)

Love,

Monday: The Best and Worst Day of the Week (discuss)

2011-08-29T11:16:00.000-04:00

When the Evil Twin came to wake me up this morning, I could hear his footsteps in the hall. It was overcast outside, so it seemed darker than usual. I thought he was coming to bed, like it was around midnight or so (we're all night owls around here). When he said, "Honey, it's time to get up." I was sure he was joking. Nope.

I wiggled my tired ass out of bed and woke up Buddy for breakfast. Why do some schools have to start so early?? I guess in Buddy's case, it's okay because the Evil Twin has to pass his school on the way to work, so it helps TET get to work on time. Because we are night owls, we are also procrastinators in the morning. The Evil Twin may be 10 years older than me, but he can out-night owl me on nearly every evening.

Sissy's school starts about an hour later than Buds, but is a different direction, so I take her in the morning. It was tough getting started today.

But, I arrived back home before 9A and have been easing into my day since. I enjoy the quiet that Monday brings. Sure, I have to hit up the Mart in a bit, but it's better to get it out of the way early in the week and not have to worry about it later.

Sissy has her first dance class of the Fall session tomorrow night and I have not had much luck finding her jazz shoes. I know she'll be excited to get back to her dance class - she had so much fun over the summer.

On that note, I bid you farewell, hooligans. Have a happy Monday!

Love,

School Daze

2011-08-26T11:00:00.000-04:00

I always feel like I'm in a fog when school starts up. This year is even harder since Sissy is in Kindergarten. Buddy has to be at school by 7:40. The Evil Twin passes by the school every day to get to work, so he takes Buddy in with him.

Sissy has to be at her school by 8:30, so I get the ~~pleasure~~ PITA of taking her to school. Of course, I park and walk her in everyday since everything is new for her. The Kindergarten classes have three things to do each morning: Put their folder in the basket, move their name magnet to the column that indicates if they're having hot lunch or if they've brought a lunch from home, and finally, place their snack in the pouch on the back of their chair.

So, every morning, I walk in with her and we go over the three things (plus, she has to hang her pack-pack - as she calls it - on the peg under her name). So far, so good.

I'm liking her school a lot. Everyone is friendly. They have an orderly system of drop offs and pick ups. Parents are allowed to walk their child to the classroom, unlike her pre-school nightmare. Last year, she was to line up with the other children, outside the doors and then escorted down the hall to their room. Parents were strongly discouraged from entering the building. That was a shitty and different school, though. Thank the Lord we are NOT in that district or I would fight for a different placement.

And, ya know what? If I can beat down the United States Post Office, I can beat anyone down.

It's a handy skill. No one takes advantage of ETW. I think that may be one reason the Evil Twin loves me. I take a stand for our family. I keep it all in check. I may not be the best housekeeper, but when it comes to my children or our finances, I am a pit bull (with lipstick...and eye liner - can't go anywhere without those 2 things, bare minimum).

Now, I am off to fold clothes, get a shower and get to the store. We are shamefully out of toilet paper. This family is keen on using copious amounts of TP for all they business. Thank goodness the cat only has to get a courtesy flush after her business. LOL.

Have a happy Friday, my sweet hooligans!

Love,

Hotter Than Blue Blazes

2011-08-25T10:03:00.001-04:00

I woke up on Saturday morning and the house felt rather warm and stuffy. I checked the thermostat and lowered it in hopes of getting some cooler air inside.

Well, the house kept getting warmer and warmer. We have one of those inside/outside thermometer thingies that track temps inside and then there's a unit outside that relays the info to the inside thing on what's going on out there.

I kept looking over and the inside temp was climbing. The Evil Twin went and checked on our outside AC unit and said it was making a weird noise. So, I called the HVAC guy we have used for years and my parents used this company for years and years before us. We trust them. He told me to call the tech on call for the weekend.

After leaving 2 messages on Saturday, I heard nothing back from him. I called our regular guy back and asked what could we do - because we were sweltering in here. Even with all the windows open and the ceiling fans on.

We just all sat around as still as possible and enjoyed the few really nice breezes that floated in our windows.

Regular guy called me back and was furious that on call guy hadn't answered his phone or returned my call. Our regular guy would have sucked it up and come out himself if he had known we didn't get a call back.

Anypoodle, on call guy called on Sunday morning...I guess he caught wind that Regular Guy was hot and trying to track him down. On call guy and a buddy came out fairly quickly and discovered the motor in the AC unit was deader than a door knob. They went back to their office to retrieve a new motor and installed it.

Ahhhhh, cool air again! I'm not a big fan of AC, but I do like it to be comfortable (not meat locker cold).

Irony: I had just paid the last payment on our van. All the van payment money was going to be redistributed to cover Buddy's braces. The AC motor set us back $300.00, which isn't too bad in the scheme of things and the unit IS really old. It'll all work out somehow! :-)

Have a happy Thursday, hooligans!

Love,

Chugga Chugga Choo Choo

2011-08-24T09:42:00.001-04:00

That's the way I feel these days: Like I'm just pushing through. This is the first day since school started that I can actually do some laundry, pick up around here and perhaps take a moment to relax.

Yesterday, I had an appointment with the hooha doctor. My appointment was later in the afternoon, so the Evil Twin picked up Sissy from school. Since I was all by my lonesome, the doc recommended that I go to the imaging center (one floor below his office) and get a mammogram..... I haven't had one since 2005. Ooops.

Sissy was born in 2006 and then I nursed her for a while, then I was just too busy with one in school and one at home and no child care options, so I kept putting it off.

You don't need an appointment. You just waltz in with the doctor's orders, fill out some paper work and a few minutes later, the girls are being squished. The thing that I found most interesting is that, since my last visit, they've gone digital, so it's different equipment than before. The tech said, "I need to put these stickers on your nipples." And I said, "Are you serious?"

Well, she was indeed. And they looked more like weird little band-aids with a little bead of bedazzlement right in the center. I was told that was so they could get a better scan and realize the areas they were looking at by navigating with that bead of bedazzlement.

They weren't just plain stickers, either. They were pretty, with flowers and designs, etc. Lefty got one and then Righty got a different one. Let me tell you, peeling those things off was NOT a pleasure. But, they were pretty....And they made me feel all go-go dancer. All I needed was a pole and I'd have been all set.

So! I got that out of the way. Keep your fingers crossed for good results, although when Dr. Hooha did the breast exam at my annual appointment, he said my breast were perfect. Ha! Tell me something I didn't already know! The Evil Twin thinks so, too! I guess he meant he didn't feel anything suspicious. But, I'll take it as a compliment nevertheless.

It's just me and Bella - and those noisy birds - at home now. It's nice. The TV is off (as it has been for days). Don't get any ideas, stalkers. I keep my storm door locked at all times! :-) Plus, you'd be lucky if Bella the vicious watch kitty didn't tear your face off...or just growl at you and run to hide under the bed (<--- most likely scenario). Tomorrow, I shall regale you with the story of our weekend, spent sweltering in a nearly 90 degree house since the AC unit shit the bed. I know that will be riveting information, so stay tuned. If you have a secret for Friday or a question for Tuesday, feel free to email me at eviltwinswife@gmail.com. Have a wonderful Wednesday, hooligans! Love,

Day Two

2011-08-22T12:34:00.000-04:00

It's our 2nd day of school here and - fingers crossed - things seem to be going well for both of the chill'uns.

I'm still getting used to my new routine as it relates to housework, grocery and whatever else I need to do. So, the HO™ is back is bidness!

We spent our weekend from Saturday morning to Sunday midday without any air conditioning. Seems the motor in our central air unit decided it had reached the end of the line.

It was so hot in the house, we all about perished from heat stroke. We had all the windows open and two ceiling fans on. It wasn't much fun. Anyhoodle, it's fixed and that's all that matters. I might not be feeling so amicable when the bill comes.

I'm off to the Mart before it gets too late. Have a happy Monday, hooligans! :-)

Have a happy heart
And a good attitude!

Love,

First Day

2011-08-19T11:12:00.000-04:00

It's the first day of school here and finally, both of my children are in full day, all week school. Buddy has been for many years, but for Sissy, pre-school was only a few hours. And usually just Monday thru Thursday. It's MY first day of freedom in almost 6 years.

Today got off to a rocky start. Buddy couldn't find his backpack from last year - I've ordered both children new backpacks from Land's End, but in typical ETW fashion, I waited 'til the last minute. They should arrive by Monday, I think.

Meanwhile, I scoured the house for the elusive backpack. I know we didn't throw it away. It's around here somewhere. We told Buddy that he had a binder with pencils and such and that was probably all he would need for today.

It was just piss poor planning on everyone's part that we didn't have it more together this morning.

When the Evil Twin was getting ready for his shower, he said: "You know what you need to do today?" and I braced myself for the five foot long "to do" list, but he continued. "This is your first day off in nearly 6 years. Enjoy it. Do nothing. You never get a break and you deserve it."

How sweet is that? Yeah, he gets on my nerves sometimes - and I know I drive him crazy most of the time, but we try to be mindful of each others needs. Being married is not always a fairy tale story - often, it's a lot of work. But, somehow, you just muddle through. :-)

Have a wonderful Friday, hooligans!

Love,

Kindergarten Orientation

2011-08-18T12:49:00.000-04:00

That's what I have to look forward to this afternoon. One kid is going into 8th grade (his last year at Middle School! How did that happen? So fast?) and the other is entering Kindergarten.

I remember how worried I was when Buddy started Kindergarten. He was so ready and very excited, but I cried after I took him to his classroom. Sissy will not be attending the same elementary school as Buddy, so I'm sure I have some new things to learn.

As with Buddy, I'm sure I'll be a regular visitor there. I like being involved. Middle school is really more "stand-offish". They want the kids to take more initiative and do more for themselves. I get that.

Buddy went to a private Catholic school. When there were field trips, parents were enlisted to drive how many ever children their vehicle could carry. Sissy will be in a public school - with access to buses, even though we live too close to both schools to have bus service, I will still insist on driving her to activities myself. I just don't trust random weirdos OR the teachers who "have an eye on them" when they are off school property.

Call me a helicopter parent, whatever. My children are never placed in situations where pervert activity could occur. I've read too many true crime stories to be so naive. If I don't know you or your family well, my child will NOT be attending a birthday party at your house (unless I am present), a sleepover or even just a brief visit. Weirdos and perverts look like normal people. I wish I could smite them all, so my kids have a safe world, but unless I develop a super secret smiting superpower, that won't happen.

So, here I go again. I'll do battle with the school system (Trust me, it doesn't matter if you pay $3000 a year for private school or if it's public school. You get the same bullshit).

On a different note, a few people left comments on yesterdays' post re: leaving the TV on for pets. Rest assured I do the same thing. We have a cat and 2 parakeets. Parakeets are birds who like to hang with a large flock. If things are veeeewy quiet, they get all nervous, because they think predators may be nearby. So, I do leave the TV on, so the birds can hear *something*. We also leave the light in the front room on when we are out. The porch light is on a sensor, so it comes on when it gets dark. See? I'm not a complete electricity nazi. :-)

I hope all my hooligans are having a great Thursday! Catch ya later, tators!

Love,

I'm Not A Hippie

2011-08-17T08:49:00.000-04:00

Lord knows that most of you know I am far from it. But, I was born in 1968 - and not ashamed to admit it so, I "grew up" in the 70s.

I lived through the Carter administration - and was even invited to the inauguration. I couldn't go because it was a school day, but I saw bits and pieces on TV.

I liked Ol' Peanut Head. He was from Georgia, I lived in Georgia. Looking back, I now understand why 2nd graders aren't allowed to vote.

My parents were all about Peanut Head. When he introduced the "energy saving" tactic, my dad put index cards above all light switches (with thumbtacks). They said, "When you leave the room,turn the lights off." It was strictly enforced.

This was also the time I learned to tap the gas pump handle at the end of getting gas to get every last drop in the hose. I still do that.

Anyhoodle, I also still get all hinky when lights are on in a room no one is using. I have been known to exit a room and turn the light out when another person is still there. I can't help myself.

I gripe at my family on a regular basis, "Turn the light off if you're not in the room!" I will walk down the hall to flip a switch off myself if some selfish or absent minded person walks away without doing their "lights off" duty. Besides, it extends the life of the piss poor light bulbs I buy from the Mart of Wal. (Just like gas, those aren't getting any cheaper, either).

I don't recycle and I don't believe in global "climate change"...I still think only hippies use water beds, but I'm not concerned that we go through a bag of trash daily.

Just don't leave a light on in my house. I'll have to cut you. (or send you a portion of the electric bill).

Love,

Winding It Down

2011-08-16T10:03:00.000-04:00

School starts on Friday (?) August 19th. Why a Friday, I do not know. I was driving by the high school yesterday and on the marquee, it said "Picture Day is August 19th. Wear your best." Soooo, picture day is the FIRST day of school? (at least at the high school). That seems odd.

Won't they have many other things going on, like class schedules and locker assignments, etc.? Of course, I hear nothing from the middle school, so lord only knows if they are also doing picture day on the first day.

Luckily, there is a meeting at the Elementary school - from 2 to 3 pm on August 18th for the new Kindergarten kids to meet their teachers. I don't know about you, but I like to be more prepared than having less than 24 hours to get my child ready for a new school and routine.

We'll be going out today for back to school clothing and whatever. Around here, we have so many families who live below the poverty level, the schools in this county are not allowed to assign a list of needed items (some kids families' can't afford it, yadda, yadda, yadda.) But, I like to send Buddy with a decent backpack, a binder, paper, pencils and a few other things.

For Sissy, she'll need a backpack and probably not much else - pencils, perhaps.

I'll also pick up supplies I know all teachers need, like tissues, hand sanitizer, and an assortment of pencils and erasers.

I'm looking forward to the new school year - especially for Sissy. She'll be in class for a full day, 5 days a week. I hope she enjoys it. She's excited to start, but that attitude may change when she realizes Mommy will be away for 7 or so hours.

Oh, well. They gotta grow up sometime.

I have so many things to do, maybe I'll catch up (at least somewhat)next week. This will be the first time since Buddy was half way through 2nd grade that I will be alone most of the day. That's fine with me. You all know I enjoy solitude and I get SO much more accomplished if I don't have distractions.

Shoot! I'm already working on my "To Do" list! This OCD person enjoys a structured routine with a little downtime mixed in for good measure. Plus, I like to meet up with friends for lunch every now and then for kid-free meals! It's been more than 5 years since I've had more than a handful of actual hot meals.

It's time to wake Buddy up - his days of sleeping late are closing in on him - and get myself ready for a busy day.

Hope all my hooligans have a wonderful Tuesday! If you're not on my Facebook, I have a new motto in life: Have a happy heart and a good attitude. I'm trying to live that, and I hope you will, too.

We could all use a bit more happiness in life, right?

Love,

I Wish I Never Had to Leave My House

2011-08-12T09:12:00.001-04:00

Of course, I do...and some outings are fun and welcome. Others - well, not so much - you know, like going to the doctor or having to shop for groceries.

Jeff, over at the WVSR asked about things that get under your skin yesterday, and I left a comment that briefly touched on a recent incident that had me fuming.

It all starts like an average rant of mine...."I was at the Mart when....". All manner of crazy can happen. I go into the ordeal knowing I will encounter "The Wall of Family" - usually 4 or more people with one cart, but they walk side by side, thusly making any attempt at getting around them impossible. Then you have "The Campers" - The campers will station themselves in front of something and proceed to read every label of every product from the top shelf to the bottom. Most of the time, the product in question is the same as everything one might find there. Either know what ya want or throw something in your cart and move on. My daughter wants those Dora band-aids you are blocking from me. They may as well pitch a tent and get real comfy, because I know they'll be there when I make my 2nd or even 3rd pass by that aisle.

However, last week, was the kicker. The store, as per usual, had a limited number of check out lines open. I queued up and was 3rd in one of the shorter lines I spied. Patron #1 had 2 carts of clothing and was using a clothing voucher.

That's fine, I don't have any problems with that. If you need help to provide your children with school clothes, then that's what those programs are for. Children shouldn't have to go without essential clothing items for school. OK, fine, whatever.

When the last item rung up, the mom still had $20 left on the voucher. $20 is $20 and that can purchase quite a bit at the Mart. I get that.

But, the woman left her children and 2 carts at the register while she ran back to the kids' clothing department to WHAT? Do more shopping! Yep-a-roo.

Thanks to my MS, my back gets very "cranky" when I have to stand for too long. 45 minutes of standing, my back aching and feeling like I might pass out at any moment, we finally moved up a notch.

It took us nearly an hour to get checked out. I had 2 whiny children and my Ativan was wearing off.

For the love of Pete, people, do not go back out shopping while you are in the check out. I don't care if there are 2 adults and one runs to get an item while the other handles the transaction, but 1 person? Plan better next time. Thanks!

Happy Friday, hooligans! I'm looking forward to my lunch date with fellow bloggers, who are also friends. I've met all of them but one and I feel very confident she is not an axe murderer or weirdo. :-)

Me and weirdos seem to click. Axe murderers? Probably not so much. Plus, I have to drag Sissy along. The Sullen Teenager does not want to join us. Imagine my best Valley Girl voice, "Whaaaaateeeever".

Enjoy your weekend!
Love,

Busier Than a One Legged Man in a Butt Kicking Contest

2011-08-11T10:14:00.000-04:00

Lordy loo, I need to get the children out for back to school shopping. Buddy is as tall as I am now, and it doesn't take a genius to know that none of his jeans fit this coming year.

I think he also needs a new back pack (or pack pack as Sissy calls it) and I know FOR SURE he needs a new binder. The one from last year....It's just sad. Sis will need a new pack pack too. These little crotch rockets and all their assorted needs (that cost $$$). It's offset by the fact they will both be in school ALL day and out of my hair. Perhaps my house will be clean?

I went to visit a friend from high school yesterday. It was nice catching up with him - he was a grade behind me, so he knows much about that class year that I do not. It was fun. He's going thru a rough patch right now, so any good thoughts or prayers you can send his way are appreciated.

In the same vein, I went to Kroger yesterday evening and ran into a friend of mine. Both of her boys went to the same Catholic school that Buddy attended and now the youngest one is a grade behind Buddy at the local Middle School.

Anyhoot, she was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago and has had one mastectomy. She told me that today was her first chemo appointment. She has been a real friend over the years and has been very instrumental in Buddy's education - she ran the library program at their school (FOR FREE) and I can't thank her enough for encouraging children that reading is not only fun, it's magical. Again, if you could send some good thoughts her way, I would be so grateful.

Luckily, she lives less than half a mile from us, so I know I can be there anytime she needs me in a flash. The good news is when I saw her yesterday evening, she looked great! :-)

Un-Dear Cancer: you piss me off. Keep your filthy cancer cells to yourself, or send them to Hell. I think Satan could use them. Leave MY friends and family out of your nefarious plans. I would say "Thanks", but I'd really like to just beat you to death with a bat.
Love, ETW

And with that, I'm outta here. Have a happy Thursday hooligans. I love you all!

Love,

I'm A Slacker, Wouldn't You Like to be A Slacker, too?

2011-08-10T10:19:00.000-04:00

As Summer break comes to an end, I find myself procrastinating more than usual. I don't know...

With Sissy entering Kindergarten this year for full days, maybe I feel like I'll have more time alone to get things in order. I don't mind cleaning or doing laundry or whatever, but I prefer to do it with no interruptions. When the Evil Twin is at work, and the kids are in school, that gives me a good opportunity to take care of things.

Last year, Sissy was in preschool, which was only 3 hours for a maximum of four days a week - and often less than four days.

Plus, I'm trying to enjoy the last bit of time I'll have NOT shuttling kids hither and yon. I get tired just thinking about it!

I'll be meeting up with 10 or so fellow bloggers this Friday for lunch. 3 of them will be flying in from another state (*someone* just got their pilot's license - how cool is that?)The Evil Twin and I can now claim to know TWO licensed pilot's in the circle of our friends. And, one of those two better be thinking about taking us to Orlando, because Disney World is offering an amazing deal right now. LOL.

I mean, once you land at MCO, the Magic Express will transport you and your bags to the resort of your booking for free. When we went in May '09, we parked our van (after a grueling 14 hour trip) outside the resort and didn't use it even once in 5 days. That's how cool Disney is - they provide transportation everywhere (well, everywhere within the confines of "The World"...The Magical World, that is. :-)

I slacked on yesterday's duties, so now I have to make up for it. Time for a shower and getting my errands underway.

I hope all my hooligans have a happy Hump Day - and maybe even a decent Wednesday, too! ;-)

Love,

Quite A Summer

2011-08-09T09:03:00.000-04:00

I honestly thought once school was out, we might have a little down time, but alas, that has not happened.

And, since we are now 10 days away from the next new school year, the down time I envisioned is like an elusive sighting of Bigfoot.

Although this weekend, I did go to the salon and had my hair re-purpled. It is VERY purple. Now maybe people won't say, "I like your pink hair."

So, I did do something this summer. I'll add a pic later, after I get myself showered, coiffed and do my kabuki face. I can't be seen looking like a hot mess.

Today is gonna be a busy one. At least I can get many things accomplished and perhaps - just MAYBE - have a day to do whatever I want to do tomorrow! :-) I hate having chores and/or errands hanging over my head.

I hope all my hooligans have a great Tuesday!

Love,

Metal Mouth

2011-08-04T12:46:00.000-04:00

Buddy got his top braces on Tuesday. Then, they wait about 3 months for the top bite to get aligned, then they put on the bottom ones.

He's not real happy at this point & time. We've been discussing what kinds of softer foods (besides soup) he might like and wouldn't be too painful for him to get down.

I did tell him getting used to them was weird and they would hurt for a couple o' days, but after that, he'd be eating like normal.

Besides, I had to wear mine for three - count 'em - 3 years. He'll have to wear his 15 to 18 months. Cake walk!!

Poor Bud. First, he is tortured with the new braces. Then, today, he has a haircut scheduled. I would take him to the barber shop (and sometimes, I do), but I hate having to wait around for our turn - especially when I have to drag Sissy around with me. She gets into *everything*. And, let me tell you, those "toys" at barbershops are typically filthy, broken and covered in tiny hair clippings.

Of course, she wants to touch them all. It skeeves me out every time. Soooo, I end up taking him to the hairdresser I use. Where the shop is full of dirty, broken and hair covered toys, too, but at least we can have a set appointment to minimize our time hanging around.

After that, it's a trip to the Mart, which I should have done on Monday, but have procrastinated enough already.

Tomorrow is Friday!! Yippee. I hope all my hooligans enjoy your Thursday with anticipation of the weekend.

If anyone has any kid friendly soft foods to suggest, we're open to all ideas.

Love,

It's Gonna Be A Day

2011-08-02T09:07:00.000-04:00

Today, Buddy gets braces on his teef. He has the same bite that I did as a child - only I was 16 when I got my braces on and 19 (and in college) when they were removed. These days, the time frame is 15 to 18 months! I wish mine had been finished that quickly.

Anyway, I know the pain involved. I feel bad for him because the Evil Twin had mentioned having lunch at Olive Garden for his birthday lunch, then changed his mind and wanted Domino's sammiches and wings. He decided we'd go out for dinner at some point this week. The sad thing? Olive Garden has calamari on the menu and that is Buddy's favorite. I hope his mouth won't be too sore to enjoy the calamari.

When I had braces, my mom would drive thru Wendy's after every appointment to get me a Frosty. It was one of the few things I could tolerate. I have texture issues and pudding, jello and soup don't always cut the mustard with me. He is so much like me, I think I've got my work cut out for the next year and a half.

But, his teef will be pretty and straight when it's all said and done. We'll be several thousand $$$$ lighter, but it's worth it. Plus, I think I mentioned before we get a discount for me being a former client! Yay!

Wish us luck!

Happy Tuesday, hooligans!

Love,

On The Downhill Slide

2011-08-01T10:09:00.000-04:00

The Evil Twin turned 52 yesterday. Of course, I jest about the downhill slide. He is still very active, has a great sense of humor, doesn't look his age at all, and has a filthy mind (pervert!).

We had a nice, relaxing day. I asked if he wanted to go out for lunch or dinner, but he said he was feeling lazy and wanted a sandwich from Domino's, so that's what we ordered. His day = his wishes.

He's not really a cake person, so I'll pick up a small one at the Mart today for the kids. They never pass up an opportunity for birthday cake.

Anyway, another year older - maybe not better, but definitely the same insanely funny man I married almost ....oh, hell, I'm terrible at math. 18 years ago? 1993?

We plan on a "nice" dinner out at Olive Garden or something along those lines later in the week. Olive Garden has a calamari appetizer and NO ONE loves calamari more than Buddy. He's a seafood lover, for sure. And, at nearly 14 years old, he can put the food away.

Well, I'm off for shower time and getting ready for the store. I need to get there today, as Buddy will be getting his braces on tomorrow! (I might be getting mine replaced in the future, as well..... we'll see). :-)

Love,

TGIF. What a Week!

2011-07-29T09:46:00.001-04:00

It's been a busy week here at Casa Evil Twin. Can you believe I haven't even had time to shop at the Mart this week?

In fact, I'm still working on my overall list. I did take the kids to GameStop (they had gift cards) and then made a quick trip into Target - where they DO have a small food area, so I was able to grab some "immediate needs" items.

Sissy has her dance recital this evening. I'll be working around the house all day and then getting her ready.

I hope I can squeeze in a little 20 minute siesta while the laundry is doing its' thang.

I know this is short and boring, but I haven't had time to check in for a coupla days. Figured I'd let you hooligans know I'm still alive, even if my nerves are fried. :-)

Happy FRIDAY, hooligans! And have a great weekend too! :-D

Love,

I Keep Waiting to Exhale

2011-07-26T09:19:00.000-04:00

This has been a very busy year - and summer, in particular - for me. I guess when the kids are 8 years apart in age, I should expect to be pulled in a million directions.

I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I'd enjoy a small break here and there.

The Evil Twin really helped me out over the weekend. One morning, he took the oh-so-early-riser Sissy downstairs to watch a movie and I was able to sort through an amazing pile of paperwork that had been looming in my "office" area forever. By "office" area, I mean a metal mesh basket and a random pile of ??? that hangs out under the coffee table.

It's kind of the Island of Misfits, only it's wayward mail I haven't had a second to deal with during the week.

Most of it gets thrown in the round file. I am no hippie - not even remotely close - but I am still astounded by how much paper waste there is in catalogs, organizations soliciting donations (??), magazines, newspapers...whatever. When I need to know something, I get online and find the information or a phone number and there ya go.

Things - monetarily - are going from bad to worse. The Evil Twin and I will be chucking our Netflix membership at the end of August. Their new pricing policies just don't add up. Besides, we have more DVDs than most rental stores, so I doubt we'll get bored any time soon. Plus, we save money and paper waste.

Buddy is getting braces in a couple of weeks and we need to change our spending habits.

No big deal, really. We've tightened our belts before and lived to tell about it, so we can do it again! :-)I actually love a challenge like this.

I hope all my hooligans are having a good Tuesday and a great week so far! I'll catch ya tomorrow. :-)

Love,

Too Much To Do....

2011-07-21T10:07:00.000-04:00

I've got housework to do, and banking things to do, phone calls to make and laundry on top of all of that. Plus, I have a freelance editing job I REALLY need to wrap up. That's not all, folks - Sissy will be in her first dance recital next Friday.

The instructor wants the girls in black leotards and skirts, white tights. Hair up and we can get as glitzy as we'd like. (I hope I can talk Sissy into a fall and some serious make up - no one can see you from the stage if your make up isn't over the top!) Right now, Sissy wears all pink except for her shoes - the tap and ballet shoes are black.

Looks like another trip to the Mart for a new set of dance clothes. Luckily, at the Mart, it's relatively inexpensive.

I told myself I would never do this. Of course, when Buddy was not yet born, I also stated, "No child of mine will just be sitting around in only a diaper!"

Weeeeeeelllll, after he spit up on outfit #4 for the day, he wore a diaper and a receiving blanket for the rest of that day. Oh, how little we know before the little crotch parasites come around.

Then, you just learn to roll with whatever. Humor them, and move on.

Housework calls, so I'm outta here. Happy Thursday, hooligans. :-)

Love,

I Am So Gross

2011-07-19T09:32:00.000-04:00

For a few weeks, I kept having a problem with lint or fuzz or something landing around my one nostril. Always the left one.

I'd put my hand up and swipe back and forth to try to remove the offending debris.

I was thinking, "Cat hair?" Perhaps....But it kept happening. So, I was confused. Why do I always have a weird "fuzz bit" on my left nostril? I'm a little slow on the uptake, so after a few weeks, I decided it was time to investigate.

I located the stray bit and pulled on it. OUCH! It was then I realized that the "fuzz" was actually a flipping NOSE HAIR that was slowly creeping out of my nostril, much like Spanish Moss would do to a tree.

I have to imagine that it was white or clear (I was in bed and half asleep when this epiphany hit me), because how could I miss a long nose hair when I do my make-up every day in a magnifying mirror. I mean, I don't even miss a stray eyebrow.

Still, I wonder, "How many people saw my renegade nose hair and just let it go?" Ugh.

Getting old, my friends, is interesting to say the least.

And with that, I am off to shower world. After wards, I'll be sure to scrutinize every square inch of skin to locate - and eliminate - any wayward hairs. Honestly, if I were a scientist, I'd be working on the "Complete Body Hair Laser Removal Chamber". Step in, turn it on, and every hair below the neck is permanently no longer an issue! Imagine what you'd save in shaving apparatus (apparati?)I mean, I'm already so cheap, I use the Evil Twin's used blades on my razor. At over $10 for a 5 pack and he only uses them 3 times on his face, it makes sense for me to pick up the slack and wear those bastards out on my not so sensitive (as a face) body parts.

And, finally, speaking of shaving, I'd like to share a video I saw from Kenju:

Enjoy your Tuesday, hooligans. I have much work to do and next to no time to do it.

Time to mow the lawn!

Love,

Yes! New Ink

2011-07-15T12:43:00.001-04:00

I know I'm a sucker for pain and punishment, so I went in Wednesday evening for my 5th tattoo. The Evil Twin designed this one for me, so it's extra special.

Hell, who am I kidding? They're all special. They all have a reason and meaning.

This picture was taken by our 5 year old daughter, so it's not the best quality - add in that this was taken the morning after I had it seared into my flesh and is not quite fully healed up yet, so what ya gonna do?

So, now you know my childrens' initials and birthdates. Please don't stalk me or them for that. The Evil Twin has fire arms and assorted other things to keep his family safe, so if I were a stalker, I'd cross this family off my list of stalkees. I'm just sayin'. Most people would prefer a case of the clap rather than having the Evil Twin go off on their ass.

Disclaimer finished.

The top line represents the January birthstone of Garnet. The second line represents the February birthstone of Amethyst. The lines in themselves represent the zodiac sign of Aquarius. The kids are 8 years apart, but only 2 weeks apart in birthdays, so they both fall under the Aquarian sign. There ya go.

Well, I need to hit up the Tar-zhay for a few items, so I'm outta this joint.

Have a happy Friday and a wonderful weekend, my li'l hooligans.

Love,

An Evening of Ink

2011-07-13T09:30:00.000-04:00

I dropped off my tattoo design to the artist on Monday and he set me an appointment for tonight at 6:30. I'm really looking forward to it!

This will be my fifth and most prominent work I'll have painfully and permanently scritched into my skin. I know I said it would be my last, but I'm having second thoughts. It may be....or not. I'll have to think on it.

The Evil Twin's poison ivy rash has spread over a good portion of his body (not the wiener, thank goodness). And the itching is driving him crazy. I did pick up the local pharmacists' "Bill's Poison Ivy Stuff" and he says it's a blessing.

However, since he wakes up several times a night to scratch and re-apply the cream, he has been sleeping in the guest room. It's much cooler downstairs and he can toss and turn as necessary without waking me up. But, until the poison ivy clears up, Sissy feels entitled to sleep in bed with me. She may be only 5, but she takes up either: A. Most of a queen size bed or B. Is using me as a mattress with her sweaty self.

I can't wait until the Evil Twin's poison ivy dealio goes away, so I can actually have a few inches of bed to sleep on. Even his cover stealing ways are better than having to hang on to the edge for dear life at night. That's what I get for buying both children full size (double) beds.

It is what it is. That's what I grew up with (and how I came to realize the more real estate one has on a bed is the best thing ever). So, now I'm raising another generation of little bed hogs.

Oh well, at least they like being around their Mommy. :-)

Happy Wednesday, hooligans! I'll try to get a pic of my new tattoo up in the next day or so. I hope you all have a great day!

Love,

Miss Me?

2011-07-11T08:38:00.000-04:00

Probably not, but I'm back from "vacation". We didn't go anywhere. We just stayed home and tried to get some of the random household/yard stuff shored up. I didn't make as much progress as I had hoped, but ya know what? Even a vacation that doesn't have a destination deserves some extra down time.

The Evil Twin did quite a bit of yard work. And, he also got a nasty case of poison ivy. It's driving him bug freaking bananas. There is a local pharmacy where the main pharmacist has his own concoction of poison ivy remedy. I'll swing by there today to get some of that and maybe some calamine lotion, just for back up. One can never have too many remedies in the medicine cabinet, right?

Also, in Evil Twin news, he finally finished the design for my fifth tattoo. I'm thrilled with the final design and can't wait to get back in the chair for more pain and suffering. I'll take pics when it's permanently inked onto my flesh. LOL.(Hopefully soon!)

I have a million things I want to do today - most likely, I will not get to everything. I'm not exactly an early bird type person, know what I mean?

I hope all my hooligans rock this Monday like no one's business! :-)

Love,

Vacation

2011-07-01T12:31:00.000-04:00

Today marks the first day of vacation for the Evil Twin. He's off all next week as well. Should be good times. (NOT).

Of course, we're not going anywhere. No $$$ for traveling this summer, so the Evil Twin is doing some yard and house maintenance that we've put off too long. I'll be doing my usual routine.

Since this is the first day, we're taking it kinda easy. We still have all day for work and stuff.

In the meantime, I've been trying to unfollow some now defunct blogs on my Blogger Dashboard. I go and it seems pretty straight forward, I THINK I delete it, but there it is, still in my list. They won't go away! Any helpful tips? I guess I could research it later on, too.

For now, I need to get the day underway!

Happy Friday, hooligans!

Love,

Modern Technology?

2011-06-29T12:59:00.000-04:00

We have three toilets here. 2.5 baths. One has a full tub/shower, toilet, sink - the whole nine yards. The 2nd one is just a toilet and a sink with a medicine cabinet: you know, the normal bathroom amenities. The 3rd is a full bathroom with a shower stall, toilet, sink, etc.

That's 3 toilets I have to clean on a regular basis. I'll do a thorough scrubbing one day and the next, I notice more nastiness on one if not all.

We have a self cleaning oven, why can someone make a self cleaning toilet?

Why do they get funky so fast?

I've tried every spray, potion, scrubber - you name it - on the market and nothing really lives up to the hype.

I know these cleaning product people have my number. They know if they put it on the TV, I'll be at the Mart buying it within a day or two. Bastids.

Well, while I'm high on the fumes from cleaning the first toilet, I may as well get to the others. Maybe it won't seem so painful. (riiiiiight).

Happy Wednesday, hooligans!

Love,

One

2011-06-28T09:14:00.000-04:00

I had an appointment with my primary care physician yesterday - nothing serious, just a follow up to see if the increase of my crazy meds was helping (so-so, I'm taking a wait 'n see approach on this one).

Anyhoot, I was extra busy yesterday getting ready for my appointment and didn't have time for Blogger or many other things I normally do in the mornings. SAD.

The Evil Twin came home from work early to watch the kids while I went to the docs and then flitted on over to the Mart.

While I was getting myself ready for the day, I started thinking about how much I enjoy doing things alone. I like company, too, but doing things on my own doesn't really bother me.

Sometimes, it's just faster if I can go somewhere, achieve the mission and get back home. I've been that way all my life.

When my sister was staying with us in February, I asked her if she noticed how quiet I was and that silence doesn't make me all wiggy. She said, "Yes."

I have one friend - we'll call her Miss T - who is also okay with silence. She came over on Friday and had some classwork to do. I had bills to pay and laundry. We both did our own thing and only occasionally looked up to have a conversation. But, it wasn't awkward. I think that's a sign of a solid friendship: that we both feel comfortable chatting - or not - it's no big deal.

I think my solitude makes some people uncomfortable. As long as the other person isn't bored half to death, I can roll with it.

That being said, I would not want to attend a movie alone or eat at a restaurant by myself. Those are social outings I feel like I would be singled out as a loser by being alone, but everything else is fair game.

Am I weird? (Yes). Do I care? (No).

I hope all my hooligans have a lovely Tuesday! Personally, I woke up in a good mood this morning....I hope it lasts. :-)

Love,

Hmmmmm

2011-06-24T12:48:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I took Buddy to his first orthodontist consultation. As I've mentioned in the past, this is the same orthodontist I went to as a teen. He actually recognized me!

We chit-chatted about the past and I mentioned that (in passing) that it was discussed and recommended that I have my lower jaw broken, pulled forward and reset. It would have to be wired shut for 6 weeks, meaning 6 weeks of a total liquid diet. Typically, patients of this surgery lose 9 to 20 lbs. At the time, I weighed only 103. They felt it would just be too unsafe for me to risk the surgery.

Dr. D said if I would consider the surgery (often covered by insurance as a preventative measure against TMJ), that he would put my braces back on for free. No money. Nada. (as a side note, he is not an oral surgeon and has nothing to gain from me having the procedure).

I said I would think about it. Meanwhile, Buddy had spacers put in and the next visit we have, will be braces city! Oh! And, we also got a 10% discount on Buddy's braces because I am a former patient! ETW do love a bargain! :-)

I'm on the fence about the mouth being wired shut thing. I could stand to lose a few pounds and Lord knows I'm used to be sliced and diced by surgeons. I think, in the long run, it'll depend on whether our insurance will cover it fully or partially - and if only partially, how much of that "partially" will be our dealio.

I would love to have my teeth aligned again and have no more jaw pain....I tend to grind my teeth at night and often clinch it tight during the day if I am feeling stressed/anxious.

We'll just have to juggle the numbers. Buddy will have his braces on for 15 to 18 months, so I suppose I can mull it over for a few months.

What do you think I should do?

Have a lovely Friday and a wonderful weekend!

Love,

That's How I Roll

2011-06-23T10:40:00.000-04:00

The more I have to do, the more I tend to procrastinate. Take this morning, for example: Buddy has his consultation with the orthodontist today around 1 pm. I'm still sitting here checking my emails and what not.

Sissy had her first Ballet/Tap class on Tuesday evening and she loved it. Not that I'm biased or anything, but she was the cutest girl in the whole class (there were only 3). She loved it and asks every day if she has "Tip Tap" class this day. I say, "No, just on Tuesday evenings." Once a week. She doesn't get that.

As far as the "sign off" on publicity photos went, I told the front desk clerk I wasn't signing and why. She said, "No problem, we'll just mark her form as you wish." So, that little issue was fixed. I don't mind if she is featured in a recital video, just not to plaster her on ads or fliers.

Anyhoots, I'm on my way to get ready and drive the kids downtown. Might need an extra Ativan for that - I hate HATE driving downtown.

At least I know where the office is located, since I went there myself as a teen and I know there is plenty of parking (free!). It's difficult to find parking downtown for many businesses and even more rare that the parking lot doesn't charge a fee.

Wish us luck and keep your fingers crossed we won't have to file bankruptcy to have our kids' teeth fixed! LOL.

Love,

I'm A Sick MoFo

2011-06-22T09:21:00.000-04:00

In my exploits reading all of my friends' Facebook status' (statuses?), I saw one that had me about to pee my pants all day. This friend and her family go to Disney World frequently, but spent an extra week in Florida at the beach, so she has been posting her "vacation facts".

"My vacation fact #5: ya know what makes you get out of the ocean almost as fast as seeing a shark? Seeing two human TURDS floating right at you. Yes, I said human turds. Never have I ever seen that in the ocean but we (& the few people around us) were running for our lives. Not sure where they came from but bleh!!

Then later, after someone else referenced "Caddyshack", she replied: (Husband) was the one dangerously close to it, it almost hit him in the shoulder so he got a good look & is the one that told us to head to shore, lol."

So, if you know me at all, you're well aware that I find things like this both sick and hilarious at the same time.

And, it also kinda seals the deal on my vow to never enter another body of water that is not a chlorine filled swimming pool - although I've seen turds in those too and ya know what? Those fancy and expensive swim diapers don't hold in pee.

In other words, if you are floating around in the kiddie pool, you are most likely swimming in pee and probably some poop particles (diaper babies have "blow outs" sometimes).

Lordy loo, who would take a dump in the ocean?

Although, when I was about 2-ish, my family and I were vacationing at the Gulf of Mexico. My dad had me out pretty far in the water and I started feeling queasy. I barfed. It was purple. And, I watched it float away. I hope some kind of aquatic life form liked purple vomit and cleaned it up for me. :-( Sorry, Gulf of Mexico ocean....I really didn't mean to do that.

Have a great Wednesday, hooligans! It's time for me to get motivated and get going!

Love,

Odd Holidays

2011-06-21T09:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was the "birthday" of West Virginia (the day it actually became a state unto itself). The Evil Twin works in a business where this day is a day off.

I have lived here 28 years and I STILL forget it's a holiday. In fact, I never remember the date at all.

Then again, I've never been one to embrace history lessons.

At any rate, the Evil Twin was off work yesterday and of course, the children have been out of school for a few weeks, so it was the whole fam damily here all weekend.

That's always interesting....

We're in for a busy week already. Tonight is the first class for Sissy to have ballet and "tip tap" lessons. She looks adorable in her outfit. Then, on Thursday, we have an appointment with the orthodontist for Buddy. Oddly enough, he will be going to the same orthodontist I did as a teen. I think it's kind of funny that he will be seeing me again after all these years - and I have two children.

I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see me again, as he has four ex-wives (far as I know) and the alimony must be astronomical. Once again, our family can help him cover his overhead costs. Or send his kids to college. Whatever.

The rest of the week will be filled with housework, grocery shopping, banking and any other little things that pop up (and they always do). In addition, I was called upon for a freelance job over the weekend. Editing another book. My editing skillz may bring me a fortune someday, since we never buy lotto tickets.

And, the Evil Twin doesn't think I do anything around here....

Happy Tuesday, hooligans. Remember: Tuesdays (not this one, but the next) are "Don't Take My Word For It" advice blogs, so if you have a burning question : eviltwinswife@gmail.com. Same email for Friday Secrets. Just be sure to put the category in the email or subject line, so I know where to post it. :-) You all are awwwwwweeesoooommme!

Love,

Tiny Dancers

2011-06-17T09:15:00.000-04:00

I'm enrolling Sissy in Ballet and Tap dance class. I think I've spent more on her wardrobe than the class cost. (Sorry, Evil Twin, but you know I can't resist and our daughter can't be wearing shitty stuff).

Then, I get the sign up sheet for the class yesterday. They ask permission to "photograph or otherwise record" my child for "any legitimate uses it may deem proper". Hello? I don't think so. The Evil Twin and I wouldn't even sign off on the form to put her photo on the hospital newborn website.

They looked at me like I had a dick hanging off my forehead.

I'm sorry, but my children are minors (and they are MINE). No one has permission to use their photos for public consumption. Again, it kind of goes hand in hand with yesterdays post where I may be extra paranoid. I DO have photos of the children on my Facebook account, but the description is only something akin to "Kids, Christmas 2009". I never use their names and in addition, I also refer to the Evil Twin as such. I don't use his name.

I feel like, if it's my page or account or whatever, it's not about my whole family. They didn't ask to be flaunted publicly (even though my FB is set as totally private to all but my friends).

So, I will visit the dance studio today and let them know my objections for parading my daughter (cute as she may be) on fliers, ads, or whatever. If they want to use her in ads or whatever, we should be compensated for that. No one enjoys my children's names or faces for their own gain. I'm not signing it.

I'm sure the Evil Twin will be 100% in agreement with me.

Have a great Friday, hooligans! Even though I woke up way too early this morning, I'm in a good mood and ready for the day! :-)

Love,

There Goes The Neighborhood

2011-06-16T09:37:00.000-04:00

There is a house to our left, but not on the same street as ours. The original owner was an elderly man who was moved to a nursing home, then passed away. The house was sold to a contractor who "fixed it up" and sold it to a very nice couple.

There were constant problems with it - the big issue being that the basement would flood every time it rained. I think the 2nd owners got fed up and just walked away. It went into foreclosure and was purchased by another contractor. He told us he was going to "fix it up" and then rent it. "But don't worry - I won't rent to just anybody." Famous last words.

The house is still under construction, the yard is a mess and whatever they used to dig up the side yard also took a portion of our fence with it.

Currently, it's nothing but a mound of dirt with a classy rectangular blow up kiddy pool on top of the mound of dirt - in the front of the house.

Now, we don't know the people who have moved in. We weren't really sure if anyone was actually living there with the construction still in progress.

Well, yesterday, the Evil Twin came home from work and said three of the kids were in our yard, playing, and one ran up into our backyard....I guess he hopped our back fence and got back around to the House of Questionable Status.

Again, we DON'T KNOW these people. I let our children play in the yard unsupervised because I know they are safe on our little dead end street and we know everyone who lives on this street.

When I was growing up, my parents taught us that we were not to play in any yard that we were either: A. Not invited or B. Not given permission. In Georgia, our next door neighbors were childless. We would walk to the end of our property line, then step on the asphalt and go around to a friend's house. I never stepped on that lawn the entire 8 years we lived there.

I may be paranoid, but what if the Evil Twin and I were some sort of weirdos (well, we are, but I'm talking serious weirdos)? We could lure those children into our house and have them buried under the shed with quick lime, just like John Wayne Gacy in no time. Of course, we're not that kind of sickos, but ya never know.

OK, so I marched over there and told the kids to not play in our yard or tear up the grass (we have a beautiful yard, if I don't say so myself.). Suddenly, Momma Redneck comes out to confront me. She turns to one boy, asks a question I couldn't hear, then turns to me and says, "He says they weren't in your yard and he don't lie to me." I gave her my special wink that says "Oh, right, kids never lie."

Basically, if I get to know you and your children (there were a bunch - not sure how many were hers), then they're more than welcome to play here, as long as they don't cause trouble and are cautious (we have a swing set and hammock - that's just a lawsuit waiting to happen if someone else's kid gets hurt using them...And I do tell visiting children the hammock is off-limits).

So, am I a crazy old shrew? Or perhaps just a spiteful bitch? Did any of you grow up with the same "don't play in yards that aren't yours" rule? I'm dying to know!

Love,

Don't Take My Word...Volume 1

2011-06-14T10:20:00.000-04:00

I received an email from a regular reader last week and was asked:

Hi ETW,

You should start an advice portion on your blog. Maybe Tuesdays?

I need some advice.

I have a coworker that is extremely attractive. However, she's married. I have no intention of really going after her in any way shape or form. However, I would love to see a few naked pictures of her. It doesn't have to be fully naked, just some sexy boob and ass shots that's all. How do I ask for some? How would it go if I asked? I would never share with anyone.
_________________________________________
OK. I will not reveal a name, but I will say this request is from a male, if that makes any difference in your views. I personally don't care one way or another, I'm just gonna answer it to the "best" of my abilities, which...well...may not amount to much. If any hooligans have a thought, post it in the comments.

Remember, I don't tolerate harsh flaming. If you disagree, fine - say that and move on.
__________________________________________
Here is my advice:
Dude, Proceed with caution! I don't know many women who are cool with being approached with this request. Perhaps you could ask her if her husband is not the jealous type. Based on her answer, you *could* attempt the request, but don't be shocked if she turned it down. No one knows where those photos might show up. Some people are a little leery of the internet or "sexting" that goes on these days.

Also, be aware that she may feel violated or harassed just because you asked and this could get you in a metric boat load of trouble at work. It may be easier (and wiser) to visit the local porn shop and get a mag or look online. There is no shortage of naked women or half-clothed ladies on the internet! Good luck!

Hooligans, have a happy Tuesday. I'm getting in the shower, if that thought makes you happier. ;-)

Love,